We All Know By Now That I Tend To Break Into Cars

WEBVTT

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Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.
I'm your host, Renny Brooks. I've

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been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty
years and run a thriving private practice.

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I'm also diagnosed bipolar an OCD.
Often the two do not mix well,

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which tends to throw my life into
complete chaos. So as I do some

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spiraling, my best friend Liz Win
will do her best to ground me a

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bit. During this podcast, we'll
be talking about the horror and the humor

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of the anxieties of daily life,
the things we do that are embarrassing,

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funny, but yet very human.
Let's get started, and there's no better

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way to get started than by beginning
this episode and all episodes with my friend

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and co host, the beautiful,
intelligent, and ever rational Liz Win.

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How are you, Liz Hey?
How are you today? Fremy? I

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am okay, Actually, honestly,
I'm feeling pretty good. We did an

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episode a little while ago on car
blindness. Do you remember? I do,

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and I now have confirmation that car
blindness is a real thing, so

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we'll talk about that in a bit. Okay, First, here's a well

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adjusted moment from Liz's life. So, I mean, when I was traveling

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to Austin, there was no Whawa, so I needed to go to a

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different communion store and I came across
a bigger and can I say a better

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store? Um no, Actually you
may not say I'm taking great offense.

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I feel like you're talking badly about
Wahwa. I would never talk badly about

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Wahwa. It's just this store had
everything wawahad plus so much more. Okay,

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So now not only do I feel
like you're talking badly about Wawa,

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but I feel like you've cheated on
Wahwa. And quite frankly, I don't

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like this at all. I think
it's time that we end this conversation.

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O Commy, there are other places
that are outside your ten mile radius.

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Yeah, I've heard the rumors.
I don't necessarily believe them. And you

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absolutely knew this was coming. You've
got to have a wa Wa, But

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that's what I'm saying. You don't
always have to have whoa. And this

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has been a well adjusted moment from
Liz's life. Guess what time it is,

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Liz? What time is it?
It is time for me to tell

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you what the hell I'm stressed about? Now? So what is on your

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plate today? Okay? So we
all know by now that I tend to

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break into cars. Yes, yes, we do. Okay, well that's

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kind of stressful because it's not something
that I actually attempt to do. It

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just kind of happens. Now.
We spoke about car blindness before, and

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it turns out car blindness, as
I knew it would be, is a

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real thing with a different name,
which is why I couldn't find it.

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The actual name is change blindness.
And it turns out that there's like real

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research behind this. There's this big, long definition and whoever's interested can go

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and check it out if they want
to. But basically, what it means

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is that if you believe and expect
to see whatever it is you think you're

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going to see, and because you
so firmly assume that what you're going to

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see is actually there, then that's
what you see. So I'm not saying

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that, you know, if you're
in Target and you think you're going to

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see an elephant in the middle of
an aisle, you mistake a shopping heart

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for the elephant. It has to
actually be somewhat similar to what it is

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you're saying. Like my last story
about car blindness, I swapped my dad's

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white Mazda for another white Mazda.
They were very similar. Hence change blindness.

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Liz, Okay, the last time
we talked about this, you seemed,

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let's say, doubtful, thinking that
I might be the only person who

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experienced such a phenomenon. Turns out
it's actually quite common. Okay. I

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just want to say that I was
right and you were wrong. I was

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waiting for that part for you to
get belonged to that I was right and

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you were wrong. Okay, So
we can agree that I was right and

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you were wrong. We're good with
that. Saying that I now feel like

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I can move on. I just
want to make sure that you are good

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with that, and you feel like
you can move on. I can't.

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I can move on. I can
accept. I can accept that you found

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this, that it was to be
true, um, that that it could

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be true, and that you were
wrong. I have no problem saying I

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was wrong, I was wrong.
They're okay, very still not wrong about

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the bat, but I'm okay.
Okay, the bat, Liz, another

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story, Um, Liz, bats
do not all have sonar. I'm just

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saying because the bat smacked me in
the face. So no, Liz,

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you were wrong. On that one
too. Not okay, we'll go Okay,

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Liz, you were wrong on that
one too when you told me that

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the bat will not come near me
and then it smacked me in the face.

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I have to say you were wrong
on that one too. However,

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we can move on. We can
okay, get the screen, because there

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are two more change blindness stories that
I would love to share that will pretty

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much cover how diverse an issue this
is for me. Okay, Okay.

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At one point in my career,
I was a clinical supervisor working at a

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mental health agency and I had an
out of office meeting to go to with

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my supervisor. Now I can't use
her real name, so I am going

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to call her Laura and hope that
I don't mess up. If I mess

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up, there are going to be
lots of bleeps in this particular episode,

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So we're going to try very hard
to call her Laura, La Laura,

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Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. Okay, So, now Laura knew

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exactly where this meeting was, so
it was an obvious choice that she was

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going to be the driver. We
get into her car, we go to

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the meeting. On the way back
from the meeting, we stopped at Wawa

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so that she could fill her car
out with gas and I could go in

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and get a cup of coffee.
Before I left her car, I very

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specifically asked her if she planned on
staying parked right there at the pumps or

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if she planned on moving to a
parking spot, and she very specifically said

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that she was going to wait at
the pump for me. So I get

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out of the car and I look
up at the number sign, and she

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was at pump number six. Okay, due diligence, exactly exactly, so

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I repeat in my head, pump
number six, pump number six, pump

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number six, pump number six,
pump number six. I walk to the

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front doors, I turn around one
last time, and there she is pumping

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her gas. And I look up
at the number sign and I verify for

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myself one last time, pump number
six. I go into the store,

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make my coffee, pay the entire
time, saying to myself, pump number

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six, pump number six. I
exit, walk over to pump number six,

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get in the car, put the
cup of hot coffee between my legs

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as I buckle up, and I
say, okay, let's go, and

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Laura screams so I scream, and
she screams, get half my car.

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Okay, very odd, very odd. I looked at her for the first

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time since getting in the car,
and I scream just as loudly as she

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does, You're not Laura. And
she screams, get half my car.

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So I scream, because I'm in
just as much shocked as she is.

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I'm just as scared. I scream
again, You're not Laura. Get out

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of my car. You're not Laura, I am. This is why the

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wishing would have supposed to turn her
into Laura. I am honestly not sure

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how long this went on for,
but at some point it hit me to

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get out of this one in this
car. So I opened the door and

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attempted. Oh God, breathe,
you were still buckled in with their legs.

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Oh did I realize this one leg
successfully got out o the other,

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not the scolden hot coffee which had
been positioned between my thighs. Well,

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the lid came off from the entire
large cup of coffee spilled all over me

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and this woman's car. But for
whatever reason, because I had no idea,

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I couldn't get my other leg out. As much as I tried and

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I really tried. Oh while she
continues sccreaming, screaming for me to get

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out, but I couldn't. And
I tell her I am trying. I

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am really really trying the doors open. I keep throwing my body o,

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all my weight, trying so hard
to get out of her car. When

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she realizes that I'm still seatbelted in, she unclicks with no warning and I

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fall to the ground. Catapult yourself
out at that point, covereding coffee,

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ruised hands and knees with tears,
And I tell you, the tears had

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nothing to do with my many cuts
and scrapes. I stand up and look

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at this woman who is not Laura, and she's screaming for me to close

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the door. And I find that
all I can tell is you're not Laura.

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Close my door. You're not Laura. Oh God. She reached over

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and closed and locked the door herself, and I look up and I am

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indeed at pump number six and thinking, what the fuck is going on here?

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Now? I have to ask you, when you were at the wahwah

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and you looked back, You didn't
look back at the car, just look

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back at the pomp exactly exactly okay, so beaten, battered, stained,

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and traumatized. Who the traumatized person
was there? I think we both were.

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I walk up to the front of
Wawa, and I would have called

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Laura, but my phone was in
her car. I desperately needed a cigarette,

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but my pack was also in her
car. I meanwhile, was expecting

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the police to show up and arrest
me for breaking and entering or something worse.

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I don't know what the charges would
have been. I just knew that

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I needed to find Laura and get
the hell out of the out. But

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I couldn't find her because I didn't
know what her car looked like. So

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I stood in front of Wawa and
just started looking around. Now, Yes,

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I had gotten into Laura's car so
we could go to the meeting,

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gotten out of her car once we
got to the meeting, twice, gotten

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back into her car on the way
to Wahua. Gotten out of her car

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once we got to Wahwa. Turned
around and looked to verify pump number six.

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Perhaps I should have known what kind
of car she drove. Sure probably

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did I even know what color her
car was? He didn't even know what

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color it was? No, No, I did not. I had no

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idea what car I was looking for. I had just aimlessly followed Laura to

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her car, and then I assumed
stupidly that she would be where she said

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she would be. So I am
looking at all the parked car cars and

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I see what may be Laura.
But this woman had her head down,

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looking at her phone in her own
little fucking world, having no idea what

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I just went through. And I
wasn't about to approach this woman just in

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case this was again Laura. I
didn't want to. There's somebody else.

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I just waited and did the hard
stare until she finally looked up at me

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and waved towards me like confusion,
like why are you just standing there?

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So it was, in fact Laura. I get into her car. I

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yell, pump number six, pump
number six, you were supposed to be

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at pump number six. When you
say you're gonna be somewhere, that's the

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fuck where you should be. Now, remember this is my supervisor. Yes,

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pump number fucking six. We're gonna
take a quick break and we'll be

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right back. As a therapist herself, she stood back and looked someone's having

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a moment here. Thankfully she did
not see this as subordination, rather as

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a person on and or over the
verge of having a complete mental breakdown.

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Remy, she started, very calmly, why don't you tell me what happened?

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Now? Really, if you think
about this story from Laura's side,

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how could she possibly imagine that's so
much could have gone down while she was

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simply pumping gas and going through her
email, right, it could not have

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been possible. I wouldn't have picked
that one out there. Never, Pump

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number six is what happened. You
need to pull the fuck out of this

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parking lot before the police show up. On our way back from Wawa,

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I made her pull into a parking
lot where I smoked many cigarettes trying to

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calm myself down, and told her
the quite unbelievable story of pump number six.

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And so this was another and yet
totally different kind of case of car

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blindness. Okay, I'm trying to
calm myself down because I'm little anxious.

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I mean, I kind of give
a tea on the other story. But

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this one you didn't even at least
the other were two white cars. This

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was literally just an object in a
pump, yes, but it was pump

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number six. She very specifically told
me that is where she was going to

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be. I had no reason to
question it, none at all. I

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am sure after that she never moved
from the pump that she was at.

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I have no idea except that this
is my regular Wahwah, and so every

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time I go there, I see
pump numbers. It's a trigger. It

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is. It's a trigger. Every
single time I go to wah Wah,

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I say, oh my god,
pump number six every single time. Oh

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okay, one last story. Okay, this is the one that happened actually

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pretty recently that got me thinking about
car blindness to begin with. So I

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had to go to the market,
which I always dread. I mean,

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I have enough cans of soup to
last me at least six months, so

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I'm good. But like, apparently, so I'm told kids need to eat,

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Like, oh, come on,
what else do you need from me?

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So susin answer, I mean,
come on, you ask for so

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much, leave me alone. So
we were actually low on both human food

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and dog food. I think it
was the low on dog food that really

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got me going. I had choices
to make. I figured I could possibly

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stretch out all the food and wait
until the weekend. What I wouldn't have

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to go to the market alone.
I could take my youngest with me,

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which really was a much better choice. Correct. But then I checked the

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forecast and we were expecting rain all
weekend. And the only thing I hate

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more than going to the market is
going to the market in the rain.

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So I had to make a decision
go to the market by myself, in

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which case any number of things could
go very very wrong or right, wait

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until a rainy weekend and go to
the market with my little one. I

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decided not to hold off and just
go to the market that day, get

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it over with, much to my
dismay. May I add, now,

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when I go to the market by
myself, I have a couple of techniques

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that I use. Okay, I
always try to park in the same misle

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because it gives me a much better
chance of finding my car. I use

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my grounding techniques and some de escalation
techniques. Before I leave the car,

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I review my list at least twice
so I know exactly what I need with

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the goal of getting out of there
as quickly as possible. The list is

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handwritten, I hold it in my
hand the entire time. For really easy

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and quick reviews so I don't have
to keep checking my phone. And then

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I head into the market with the
hope that nothing terribly awful is going to

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a car. That's like a full
time job right there. It is a

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whole thing. Now I have whole
routines for pretty much everything I do.

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That is my market routine. Okay, Okay, I couldn't believe what was

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happening. I made it to the
checkout line. Food was being backed.

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Okay, I was almost out incident
free. I was heading towards the exit.

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The only thing at this point that
could go wrong is the alarm going

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off as I'm leaving, which has
happened before, so it would be nothing

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new. Okay. I had my
receipt in hand, so that when the

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alarm goes off, I am ready
to prove that I have paid for my

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groceries. I take some very deep
breaths because I'm waiting for the alarm,

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and I walk through the door.
No alarm less. Perfect. So now

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I'm listening for the miss, miss
please stop. But it doesn't come.

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Liz, I'm free. I did
it. I made it successfully. I

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go to the aisle that I know
I parked in because it's my regular aisle,

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and from the curb, I click
my key fob to unlock my car,

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which is like way down, but
it unlocks. I see the lights

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go on. I am starting to
approach my car. I get to the

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white suv. I open the trunk, I put all my groceries inside,

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put the cart in the cart in, close my trunk, Get into my

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car, buckle up. Put the
key in the ignition, but the key

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won't go in. Oh, this
is not a fake. The key fits

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thing. The key did not fit. Now listen, I am really truly,

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and I know that it sometimes comes
off like I am, But I

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am not a fucking idiot. I
do, indeed know how to put a

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key in an ignition. I've done
it a million times. So I try

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again to no avail. Clearly,
something's wrong with my key. Okay,

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I turn the key over, which
I should not have to do because it

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goes in both ways. I turn
the key over and I try again,

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and it's not working. Okay,
calm calm down, Calm down. I

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must be rushing without realizing that I'm
rushing. So I take my seatbelt off

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because now I need room to work, and I get a much better look

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at the ignition area, and it's
like trying to fit a square peg in

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a round hole. What the fuck? Why won't it go in? I

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have no idea what's happening in this
moment. And then I noticed that my

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pink, fuzzy steering wheel cover is
not on my steering wheel. Oh good

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god, you're in someone else's car. I look into the back seat and

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it's full of stuff, stuff that
should not be there. I don't keep

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stuff in my back seat because if
I kept stuff in my back seat,

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Lucy would eat right. I look
up front again. No box of tissues,

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no cigarettes, no trash back.
Oh my god, is this like

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a slow roll or a fast roll? To the Oh crap, I'm in

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the wrong car. It I so
didn't understand what was happening. It was

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slow. It was a fair slow
process. And then, like you said,

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I realized that I'm in the wrong
car, that this is not my

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car, and that I just loaded
all my groceries into a car that is

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not my line, that I am
sitting in the driver's seat of a car

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that is not mine, and I'm
wondering what do I do now. I

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well, I was thinking, do
I go back into the market and get

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the owner of this car and explain
what happened. Do I just unload all

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my groceries back into a cart and
then reload them whenever it is I find

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my car, Like, people are
going to see this, right, They'll

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think I'm stealing. So many things
can go wrong in this scenario, so

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many people can call the police.
And what am I going to say?

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Because is my story even believable?
Like, I'm not sure that it is.

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What should I do here? I
get out of the car and I

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use my key fob, and it
turns out that my car is exactly two

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cars over from this car? Okay? And I decide to take the risk.

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I get back into this car that
is not mine and use the trunk

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release and very quickly, very quickly
learn the car transfer all my groceries two

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cars over into my actual car.
Much to my surprise, no one stopped

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me, no one questioned me,
and somehow the owners did not come out

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during this process, Thank goodness,
Thang God. When done, I locked

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their door and left as though I
had never been there. Do I need

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to tell you that I expected the
police to arrive at my house all day

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long? Oh? My God,
I can't imagine, because I would have

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just been okay, drove away.
No one saw it, were good to

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go all day. I expected like
a call from the police, like knock

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knock, knock knock. I was
terrified. Now I usually throw my grocery

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receipts away this second I get home. Not this time. I still have

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that receiver clipped to my refrigerator,
just in case. Car blindness, Liz.

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I expected that first the white SUV
car to be my car, and

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therefore in my head it was my
car, and no, I did not

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00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.000
notice that the entire trunk had a
completely different layout and had things in it

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00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:37.839
that my trunk doesn't have. And
I did not notice that my car magnets

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00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:42.000
that are on the back of my
car, so I can tell it is

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00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:46.599
in fact my car were not on
this car that I opened. I did

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00:32:47.079 --> 00:33:00.279
not notice that the entire inside was
completely different until my key. Want to

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00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:07.400
start the ignition. I'm guessing you've
now created a new process for when you

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00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:12.599
come out of the market. I
really I think I figured it out now.

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00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:17.400
Had the key worked, I would
have ended up driving. Oh yeah,

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you would have Yes, yes,
I would have car blindness. List

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00:33:22.599 --> 00:33:36.240
or shall I say change blindness.
So I have now shared three very different

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00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:45.039
kind of change blindness stories, all
of which have a very real impact on

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my life, all of which could
get me in serious trouble, like legal

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00:33:52.880 --> 00:34:01.240
trouble. Can I tell you how
scary and exhausting it is to always be

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00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:10.039
waiting to be caught by the police
for something that I feel like I have

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00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:19.400
no control over, and clearly I
do have control over this. I think

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00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:28.920
the answer is to pay a closer
attention, be aware, like, yes,

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00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:38.559
be more aware. And yet I
feel like at some point I will

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00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:45.000
get a call from you that you're
in you're in the clink because you stole

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00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:51.559
a car. I am just waiting
for that time. I am waiting,

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00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:59.440
like literally waiting for that. I
don't know how that hasn't happened yet,

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00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:07.800
and I'm terrified for it. It's
like one thing to commit a crime because

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you want to and or me to, and like this is your goal,

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00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:21.800
You're set, You're setting out to
commit a crime, versus being so fucking

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00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:31.000
oblivious you have committed like like you
know you're under arrest for And my response

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00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:38.119
is like what I did? What? God? You have flaw Lawyers in

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00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:45.960
the family man, Thank God,
And I am so like intimidated by you

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00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:50.880
know how, like they on TV
they put people in interrogation rooms, Like

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if that really happened, if a
police officer came to arrest me, like

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00:35:55.480 --> 00:35:58.960
right then and there, I would
be like, yes, and I'm sure

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00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:06.239
I committed a murder. Show we're
thinking messing to everything. Yeah, it

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would be horrible, horrible. So
for those listening, if you have experiences

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with change blindness, now, mine
happens to be like all car related,

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but yours can be related to anything. Please share your stories. We would

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00:36:22.599 --> 00:36:29.400
love to hear from you. You
can reach us at Voyage Media at Twitter,

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00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:34.639
Instagram, and on Facebook, and
you can reach out directly to me

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00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:39.000
at Panicked Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook