Dec. 12, 2022
832,000 People Are Going To This Party

Prior to COVID, Remi's reflex attitude was why be grateful when the next horrible thing is around the corner? But to her shock, after COVID Remi has become more like Liz... she might (gasp) be becoming a grateful person.
Prior to COVID, Remi's reflex attitude was why be grateful when the next horrible thing is around the corner? But to her shock, after COVID Remi has become more like Liz... she might (gasp) be becoming a grateful person.
WEBVTT
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Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.
I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
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been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty
years and run a thriving private practice.
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I'm also diagnosed SPI polar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
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which tends to throw my life into
complete chaos. So as I do
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some spiraling, my best friend Liz
Win will do her best to ground me
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a bit. During this podcast,
we'll be talking about the horror and the
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humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
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funny, but yet very human.
Let's get started. Here's a well
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adjusted moment from Lizze's life. So
I'm currently visiting Texas and as I opened
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the door this morning, front door, there's a six foot rat snake blocking
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my way. Oh my god,
did you call nine one one? No,
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Remy, I took pictures of videos
like everyone else would have, and
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this has been a well adated moment
from Lizze's life. You are most definitely
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a glass half full kind of girl, which, okay, is perfect because
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that leads me into what what the
hell am I stressed out about today?
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Liz? And what is stressing you
out today. Okay, what is stressing
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me out right now is a feeling, Liz. It is feeling that I
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don't completely understand because I've never experienced
it before. And this is very interesting,
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Liz. This is it as if
we rehearse this, which anybody who's
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listening, we did not. We
do not talk about the podcast at all
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until we are actually doing this.
I was in my kitchen making a cup
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of coffee. I turned around,
I leaned against my stove, and I
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was staring at a piece of art
hanging on my wall, which says,
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always see your glass as half full. Now did you not just say that?
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Did? We just did not?
I didn't. I've been in your
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kitchen. I do not remember that
ball hanging with a saying, but yeah,
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it's been there for years. Now. Here's the thing. The only
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reason that I have that piece of
art is because the colors match my kitchen
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and the frame is the right size
and shape for the like space. I
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would never otherwise own such a thing
because that mindset is polar opposite of me.
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I would never own such it.
This would be like a gift I
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would give to you it Franks,
to your mindset, it does not speak
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to mine, but it fit perfectly, so I got it. Now,
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if I were creating such art,
it would say life sucks and then you
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die. I'm not so how many
people would buy that one, but okay,
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I would buy it like I would
make it dollars mate, and then
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like I would produce it for others
because I am positive others would feel the
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same way to not people like you. I would never target people like you,
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but you know whatever, Okay.
So usually as I read this,
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I read it and I giggle.
Only this time this week, I am
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leaning against stove and I'm drinking my
cup of coffee and I read it and
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I don't giggle. And I noticed
instantaneously that I don't giggle. Why am
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I not giggling? I asked on
myself, and going would you say?
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I said, why were you not
giggling? Exactly? Why why was I
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not giggling? And I did not
have an answer. However, this then
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becomes my obsessive thought of the week, and I couldn't stop thinking about it,
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and I didn't have an answer,
And where my fucked up mind went
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took me to places that I never
expected to go. So you want to
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go on this fucked up trip with
me. Sure, so you were you
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were spacing into the fact that you
hadn't laughed at that sign or what the
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signment or was it all together?
I know what the sign means, like
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I know exactly what it means,
but I usually laugh at it because I
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think it's ridiculous. See the glass
half full, be optimistic, be grateful,
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see things as like like good in
the world. Please. It's such
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bullshit. So I laugh at it, and I think of people like you.
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You know, something horrible happens and
you can actually make light of it,
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like, oh, your hotel room
has overflowed. That's okay, I'll
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put down some tails and no problem. Don't worry about me, worry about
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the other forty people. I'm fine. Oh my car, all the tires
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have been taken off my car.
It's an inconvenience, but I'll get four
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new tires. Yeah, come on, it's ridiculous. Be pissed off that
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your car has no tires, Like, what is this glass half fullshit?
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It's shit? Well with me,
it is. I'll have that initial like
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like when the tires or whatever,
it's like, oh crap, But then
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it's like I don't want to let
myself get into that any negative. So
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if I can clear it out five
or timents, sometimes it takes longer depending
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on what kind of situation is.
But if I can work my way through
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it, it gets me to the
end. That's how I get to the
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other side, so that I'm not
like in down duldrums. I get it.
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That must be a lovely place to
live. That is not where I
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live. You know, I don't
even visit. It's not a place I
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go to. I have heard that
place exists. I just don't have a
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ticket to enter. So here is
where my mind went throughout the week,
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because it was like a week long
process. I go back to a kid,
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like as a teenager I was.
I was always a good kid,
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and I had like a really nice
group of friends who were all really good
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kids. And I was never rebellious. I always got along great with my
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parents. And not that I had
a curfew. But if I would have
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had a curfew, I would buckt
in the kid who would have broken it.
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You know, I didn't drink alcohol, I didn't do drugs, and
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I was always a homebody. So
when I would get together with friends,
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my preference was to invite them over
to my house, my room, talk
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rent movies, order pizza. By
the time I met you, we were,
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you know, in our twenties,
and I was still living with my
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parents, and you know, the
thing went like coming over to my house,
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hang out my house, like I
was always at home. That is
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where I always wanted to be.
The only major issue that was that really
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existed between me and my parents was
academically, like my grades always sucked and
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I was always on the verge of
failing something, and I always thought I
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was going to be held back a
grade. And the funny thing is the
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only thing I ever failed was JIM
and it was because I got I cursed
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out my gym teacher, which was
by the way, well deserved. And
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had I known, is she had
said I cursed her out, and she's
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like, you are never to return
to JIM again, and you officially failed.
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And had I known that, all
I needed to do was curse her
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out and I would have a free
pass out at GIM, I wouldn't done
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that so much sooner what a schmuck
I didn't know. So anyway, I
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was like not punished often. The
only time I was ever punished were for
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like horrible grades and pray. My
parents chose two interesting The way my parents
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chose to punish me was by forcing
me to make plans with friends out side
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of the house. And they would
say, kids your age, have social
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lives, call your friends, make
plans and go out. Liz, I
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that hated the ink punished. Wow, that is a very different punishment than
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I have. Quite the opposite.
You are stuck inside. Here's a book,
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no TV. There were no computers
at the time, so not so
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much fun for me. It was
get the fuck out of the house,
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have a social life, God damn
it. Meanwhile, my sister, who's
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like three and a half years longer, you couldn't. You couldn't keep her
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inside. She had like hundreds of
friends, she had her own phone line.
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She was like so busy, always
on the eye. Please get out
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of your room, Please get out
of the house. No, I don't
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want to. You can't make me
okay again. No, this, in
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all fairness, who was the eighties
and mental health disorders they really weren't like
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recognized, diagnosed, or really discussed
in any way at all. But like,
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seriously, the fact that my punishment
was forced me to be social,
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that's actually punishment. Most parents would
give to their kids today because none of
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them want to actually exit the house. Only right, that's right, would
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prefer being on top and being on
his computer. Putting making him go outside.
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You would think that you were like
skinning him or something. But even
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like the kids who were inside on
their computer, they're hooked up to their
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computer friends, like like they're still
you know, in this world being social
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on the computer. Like do you
watch face oar tapes? Exactly? No.
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My father, who was undiagnosed bipolar
at that point until like twenty years
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after that time, Thank you genetics, struggled terribly with it. My mother,
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who was extremely anti social herself but
always pretended very very well not to
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be again, thank you genetics also
should have known that something was very very
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wrong. What Right wished for more
than anything during junior high, high school,
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college was too simply be left alone, no social contact with anyone at
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all, and quite frankly, that
has not changed. Oh yes, yeah,
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you know, you are the only
person I should really tolerate for longer
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than like, you know, fifteen
minutes at a time. And really that's
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kind of pushing it. Um pre
covid right, single mom, Yeah,
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out in the world, running every
day, ever errands, living what appears
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to be a fully functioning life,
but yet beyond over whelmed. Okay,
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the weight of the world on my
shoulders up early school bus, paperwork,
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emails, phone calls, invoices,
receipts, client, client, client.
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My youngest did not know a time
when he didn't have a babysitter from after
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pool until bedtime. Right right,
I felt like I was running, And
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I don't run like I'm like I
was. You were running all day,
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like I was running towards the grave
with no feasible way out. I didn't
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know how to put the brakes on, how to take a step back,
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how to reprioritize my life. I
was going full force and I didn't know
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how to stop. But like my
mother, I have always He's been the
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great pretender, with a smile on
my face, funny stories to tell,
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making everyone else feel so good.
I always worked so hard at pretending that
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everything was okay. But I was
holding on to what was left of my
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mental health by a fucking string that
was threatening to break. Not that anyone
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would know, because no, I
mean, even as we were talking during
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the pandemic, I would talk to
at one point and that we talked to
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you at another point, and I
didn't always realize how much you were pretending
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in front of your kids, and
that's even being at home, and how
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much work you were doing in that
and trying to put a good face on
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things. I was that I like, that was always my main job.
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I always tried to keep it from
my fits, always, always, always,
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always, And that was the hardest
part of the pandemic because I was
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there with my kids. You were
the only person who knew how far from
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okay that I was. There were
times when things got really bad that I'd
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let my mom in, but only
so much. But from the outside,
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I was functioning right while living with
panic and anxiety and depression every single day.
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And then the world was hit with
COVID. Yeah, okay, So
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before I say another word, if
this is just sort of like a disclaimer,
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because I want you already know,
because we've had conversation and you already
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know what's going to come out of
my mouth. But I want anyone who's
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listening to this to know that I
am so utterly aware of how devastating COVID
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has been, the millions of deaths, the complete crash of our global economy,
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the impact that isolation has had,
the forced use of mask wearing,
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how the abused had to remain in
the same health sohold with their abusers.
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The impact on people's mental health.
I mean, I get it. I
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really understand the devastation that this virus
has caused. Okay, complete disclaimer.
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Now with that said, I understand
how horrible my next words are going to
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sound. I honestly think you're going
to be the only one out there though.
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Okay, you know you're not the
only one. I shared this with.
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I shared this with you. You
took a beat before you said anything.
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I actually also shared this early on
with my mother, and he yelled
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at me and said, don't you
ever say that again. Okay, but
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here it is, and I'm going
to say, at this again, I
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am, thanks to COVID personally thriving. I know that I am probably in
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a minority here, I get it. But COVID has given me a totally
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different way of living, a totally
different way of life. My mother was
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so angry at me, and when
I said, actually, I'm kind of
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thriving, she yelled at me,
don't you ever say that again. I
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mean, she had friends that died. It was I understand. I get
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it. For me, being outside
is bad. It's danger, danger,
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danger. I am so hyper aware
of everything that I can't help to turn
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the teeniest, tiniest little thing into
something so completely catastrophic. So thank God,
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like I have a legit reason to
not be in the world, because
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even as the world opened, I
decided not to join it. When the
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lockdown occurred, it was as if
God himself said, you know the way
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that really weird woman, Remy Brooks, wants to live in total isolation where
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nobody leaves their house. How about
we try that, but for the entire
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world. What the hell, Let's
get that a shot and see what happens.
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As if God himself said, you
know what, Len, you may
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be onto something. And suddenly,
for the first and my life is I
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wasn't the outcast right, And I
had never felt so calm, And it
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was the first time that I recall
living a life without anxiety. And that's
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not to say that because when COVID
hit, I was so fearful of it
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too, and you know what was
going to happen and how this was affecting
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everything. I mean, I was
terrified, but it was a different kind
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of terrified. It wasn't my personal
anxiety. I was living a life without
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my crazy anxiety. And it was
such an amazing relief, and it was
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beautiful. We're going to take a
quick break and we'll be right back now.
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In all fairness, unlike so many
other people, my kids were at
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an age where they could do virtual
school on their own right, take care
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of themselves more or less exactly.
So I got to sleep in until like
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one two o'clock in the afternoon every
single day. I got to drink NonStop
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cups of coffee and chain smoke in
my garage and binge, watch TV and
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talk to no one except my kids. I was living my fantasy life.
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And then something very strange happened that
I never in a million years I thought
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would occur. What was that?
My tvr very quickly somehow, with seven
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percentful to zero. Now, fear
not, Liz. I did have Netflix
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and I did have Amazon Prime,
but like in no time at all,
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I very clear, huh, And
now I was facing uncharted territory. What
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does one do when you literally have
no TV to watch? I did not
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know this answer, because I'm not
on social media. I had no idea
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what people did. So I asked
a friend, and apparently people were cooking
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elaborate meals. However, I don't
even know how to scramble eggs, so
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that was not something that was for
me. Not No, apparently, somehow,
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and I still don't understand what this
is all about. People were baking
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sour dough bread. That became a
thing, that was a big thing.
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It was hard to find. You
stop telling it. I don't get that.
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I don't know how that became a
thing. Dy projects became a thing.
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I don't own a hammer. That
was not going to be a thing
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for me. So I figured if
I had no TV to watch, then
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clearly I would write my own TV. Right, right, So I picked
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up an old hobby that I dropped
because I didn't have time to pursue it.
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So in nineteen ninety four, the
week after I graduated college, I
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moved out to LA to pursue writing
and acting, which clearly went nowhere,
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says the therapist. So now here's
COVID, right, perfect opportunity to all
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the entire world slowed down, and
now I had time to write from beginning
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to end. And I realized that
I still left it, and I was
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still good at it, and I
wrote like many different TV scripts and two
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of them, both thirty minute dramedies, were picked up, and I somehow
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became a client of a TV production
company called Voyage Media, and I have
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shopping agreements for both of these scripts, and this same production company is now
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producing this podcast. Like how the
fuck do you jump to here? Like?
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Who would? Life is crazy?
It's crazy. Professionally, telehealth becomes
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a thing right right, which no
one did before. What the hell?
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I honestly, I never even heard
of telehealth before. I never heard of
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zoom, and suddenly I'm seeing clients
over zoom. And in the meantime,
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I realize, which was like the
greatest thing in world, that there was
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no reason that I have to get
out of my pajamas. No, you
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never have to see a client in
your household again, never again. I
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wasn't leaving the house, and I
was a much happier human being in pajamas
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than I was in clothes. And
by the way, I recommend it to
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people, it's fabulous. So even
when the lockdown ended and the world started
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becoming more normal, I felt free
to continue saying no to social and family
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expectations and my baseline, anxiety stayed
down, and we're like past two years
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into COVID, and I only go
out when I have to, and I
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rarely have to, and I am
living a mostly anxiety free light. Oh
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oh, Liz, something awful happened
this past week and my anxiety, which
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I have not felt in over two
years, skyrocketed through the roof. It
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00:26:03.960 --> 00:26:11.319
was awful. What I thought?
I get an evite to Randy's seventieth birthday
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party. No, no, I
have not been to a social event in
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00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:22.000
over two years. I can't do
this. I cannot. I can't do
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this, and I don't want to
do this. And I remember you telling
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me about what the first time you
went out to a restaurant when COVID once
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everyone started getting their shots, and
just a restaurant with a couple of people,
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you knew You're now talking about a
party. There's no there's there's absolutely
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no way I can do this.
And I'm scrolling to see like how many
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people have been invited now and already
RSVP, and I may be slightly exaggerating,
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Okay, so we can take that
add into account that there might be
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a slight exaggeration, but roughly eight
hundred and thirty two thousand people are going
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to this party in the so about
zero one of that, About eight hundred
264
00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:22.759
and thirty two thousand people are going
to this party. Okay. So in
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the last two years, I have
worked my way up. I have gotten
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together in a group with my immediate
family consisting of no larger than eight people,
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and I am fucking proud of myself
to have gotten to that point.
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Okay, So there is no way
that I can attend a party of nine
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hundred and sixty seven thousand people.
I can't see that group quickly. I'm
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pretty sure it was the exact same
number I told you before. It's it's
271
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about a hundred a million. It's
close to a million people. And by
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the time I'm anything I want to
say, I might be slightly exaggerating the
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00:28:21.799 --> 00:28:26.039
numbers, but not by much.
By the time I got this invitation,
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it was too late to call my
mother. She was already asleep. So
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I was like done. I can
ask yes, because the answer was no.
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There was no way in hell I
was going to this party. There
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there was no way, and I
knew that she was. She was going
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to be upset. I'm her kid, and this is her husband, and
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of course I should be there.
Um, all of the family is going
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to be there, and how could
I not show up? And this was
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going to be a thing and the
last thing in the world. Old I
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00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:02.640
wanted to just upset my mother.
I don't want to upset my mother.
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I'm like, so scared of my
mother, you know, so I don't
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want to upset her. But I'm
not going. I can't go. I
285
00:29:08.519 --> 00:29:15.599
was up all night long panicking.
So the next and I take sleeping pills
286
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and I still couldn't sleep. So
I took more sleeping pills, but I
287
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:25.160
still couldn't sleep. So now I'm
like close to overdosing. But I so
288
00:29:25.400 --> 00:29:30.119
can't sleep and I'm terrified and I'm
scared and I'm full of anxiety. And
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00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:32.920
I finally get her the next day
and I'm like, I can't, I
290
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:36.599
can't, I can't. She's like
what, And I'm like the invitation Randy's
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00:29:36.599 --> 00:29:40.359
Burgle party, I can't, I
can't, I can't. And she's like,
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00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:45.319
oh, honey, where already knew
that? Oh wow? Why would
293
00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:51.039
you not have given me a heads
up? Why would you would have put
294
00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:56.480
me through that? Why would you
have made such a big deal out of
295
00:29:56.519 --> 00:30:00.680
that. So she was so wrong. She was just she was so wrong.
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Anyway, here's the thing again that
COVID did for me. It was
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because and during COVID, because I
had always hid and pretended that, you
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know, I didn't have any problems. I'm okay, I can handle things
299
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:26.599
that had I not. It was
over these last two years that I became
300
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:34.079
so much more verbal about my mental
health issues with my family. And which
301
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:38.200
is really good? Would you say? Which was really good? Because I
302
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:44.200
don't think they realized how much certain
situations really that it wasn't just that you
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00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:47.440
didn't want to because you didn't want
to, There was something behind it exactly.
304
00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:52.160
Had that not happened, I would
never have been able to attend the
305
00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:56.200
party, and they would have assumed
that it was just a big fuck you.
306
00:30:57.039 --> 00:31:00.680
Yeah, And how would I have
been able to explain, you know?
307
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:07.960
So it opened up all of this
communication between me and my family,
308
00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:14.000
and it also it taught me to
prioritize my mental health, which is amazing
309
00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:21.839
and strangely enough, it even translated
into my practice too, because before I
310
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:26.160
used to take on any client that
came through, and I stop doing that.
311
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I now only work with clients that
I truly enjoy working with, because
312
00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:37.000
I really want to enjoy the work
I do. So if there's a client
313
00:31:37.079 --> 00:31:41.759
that comes through that I don't personally
like really like to work with, I
314
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:48.119
refer them out, which is something
I never expected to occur. And it's
315
00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:52.880
interesting because since that happened, I've
started to get more and more phone calls
316
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:56.720
and the practice started to grow.
Oh, it's very it's so weird,
317
00:31:57.359 --> 00:32:01.240
and like things with my kids have
changed, like there will never be another
318
00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:06.480
babysitter and I will always have time
to help with homework and I will never
319
00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:12.519
miss bedtime routine again, and like
I will now I write all the time,
320
00:32:13.079 --> 00:32:15.599
and it's not just something that I
like to do. It's become something
321
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:22.759
that I really need to do.
I think, my darling, that feeling
322
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:31.759
that I didn't know what it was. Dare I say, I think I'm
323
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:44.319
feeling optimistic about how my life is
going right now, which is kind of
324
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:51.480
crazy and kind of good and unlike
you, I was never that person that
325
00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:57.880
was like about gratitude. I mean, I be grateful when the next horrible
326
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:00.599
thing is just waiting around the corner, and get prepared for the horrible be
327
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:07.720
prepared for the horrible, but I'm
actually feeling quateful. So like, yeah,
328
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:14.720
I'm still the weird one who prefers
to stay home in pajamas at all
329
00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:22.519
times, but that's okay. I
like, and you still have your ups
330
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:28.279
and dinners. It's not that you're
saying that you don't have those anxious moments
331
00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:30.039
or and I know what, the
kids starting to kind of get out of
332
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:34.480
the house too, allows you some
time to, like you're not twenty four
333
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:39.559
seven having to put on a phase
that you can, you know, take
334
00:33:39.640 --> 00:33:43.440
some time for yourself now that everyone's
kind of getting out of the house and
335
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:45.480
back to school and stuff. So
I think that helps too, so much,
336
00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:54.960
It helps so much. And it's
like I think that I'm feeling more
337
00:33:55.400 --> 00:34:01.599
like you in that, like you've
always been very grateful for your family,
338
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:08.800
and like you're you're you're a grateful
person, Like I am grateful for my
339
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:15.280
family and their understanding and their support
and something that I've always taken for granted,
340
00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:21.440
which is interesting because even even though
my dad died so young, you
341
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:25.639
know, I've like kind of taken
it for granted because of COVID. Through
342
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:31.480
COVID, and I feel like we
you me, my kids were like the
343
00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:36.280
only people left on earth that haven't
gotten COVID yet. Like I don't know,
344
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:40.960
I feel like we're the last remaining. But yes, I'm like so
345
00:34:42.119 --> 00:34:52.800
grateful for just like everybody's health and
for my much slower pace of life and
346
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:58.519
for renewing like this old passion and
realizing that it's still there and strong and
347
00:34:58.599 --> 00:35:01.280
oh my godless on my be turning
into one of these grateful people, which
348
00:35:01.320 --> 00:35:07.039
is so not me and should pass
really really soon. But for the moment,
349
00:35:07.159 --> 00:35:15.760
I'm just I'm appreciating it. I
think, yeah that the bottom line
350
00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:22.440
is I knew I needed to make
a huge change in my life, but
351
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:28.760
I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, and for me, COVID
352
00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:31.760
elicited that change, and I don't
ever want to go back to the way
353
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:38.119
I was living before. And like
so I understand and see this is where
354
00:35:39.239 --> 00:35:43.719
you see. Of all the horrors
that there were because of COVID, as
355
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:47.840
you stated them before, oh my
goodness, your glass halfful is you were
356
00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:52.360
able to take something from it and
change how you were living your life to
357
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:55.760
make it, you know, less
stressful, less anxiety, you know,
358
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:00.840
having less anxiety. So now seeing
the glasses halfful. It won't happen all
359
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:06.800
the time. No, I'm sure
it won't. I'm sure the feeling will
360
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:12.719
pass quickly. But for right now, I'm going to take that as a
361
00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:19.199
win. And I think that that
is why I looked at that piece of
362
00:36:19.320 --> 00:36:27.559
art and didn't didn't laugh. So
I think I realized it before I realized
363
00:36:27.559 --> 00:36:31.000
it, you know what I mean? Yep. Yeah, Well, you
364
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:35.920
know, there's so many ups and
downs that people have gone through and they're
365
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:38.360
you know, obviously there are people
out there that became isolated, but I
366
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:44.159
do think that there are people out
there that realized, hey, I want
367
00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:46.000
to work from home. I want
to have the flexibility to stay with my
368
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:51.239
family and you know, not spend
an hour driving to a job in an
369
00:36:51.280 --> 00:36:53.599
hour driving home from a job.
And I think it has allowed a lot
370
00:36:53.639 --> 00:36:59.519
of people to kind of reprioritize and
see, you know, what's important to
371
00:36:59.559 --> 00:37:06.199
them. You know, I wish
some more people would kind of take that
372
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:12.079
in line and would less be walking
down hallways saying what the f and blah
373
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blah blah and realize, you know, it's not the worst thing in life.
374
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It's an inconvenience, but they're far
worse things out there, you know.
375
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:23.000
And if it only happens to every
once in a while to see the
376
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:27.599
glass half full, at least you're
standing in half full. That's a wonderful
377
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:30.159
way to view it. Yep,
it's a nice change. Oh, I'm
378
00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:32.800
glad it's happening for you. And
I'm glad it happened for you because I
379
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:39.840
know over the years, you know
how I never realized, you know,
380
00:37:39.960 --> 00:37:45.079
until as you started telling me as
to how just anxious just regular situations.
381
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:47.440
I know you didn't like you didn't
like getting lost, but just out there
382
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:51.639
driving or meeting new people or you
know, I was always happy to go
383
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:53.159
to your house for like, you
know, yeah who or one of the
384
00:37:53.239 --> 00:37:57.320
you know, one of the holidays
and stuff, and you detested it and
385
00:37:57.400 --> 00:38:00.320
not realizing it wasn't just that you
didn't want to spend time with your family,
386
00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:04.000
it was just the whole anxiety of
being there with all the people and
387
00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:14.480
that whole situation. Yeah, it
was like every little thing was so you
388
00:38:14.519 --> 00:38:20.280
know, so much anxiety was attached
to everything. So it's just it's a
389
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:22.320
it's a nice break, Liz,
It's it's a nice break, And I'm
390
00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:25.000
going to take the break for as
long as I possibly can, and if
391
00:38:25.039 --> 00:38:30.599
this becomes, you know, my
new reality, then just how wonderful would
392
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:36.920
that be. So I'm hanging onto
it for as long as possible. Absolutely,
393
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:40.480
thank you, my darling, Well, thank you. I think it's
394
00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:45.679
good that people know that there were
that they are different experiences to come out
395
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.800
of that whole situation with COVID,
that some of them were definitely negative,
396
00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:52.679
but some of them were positive,
and that if it's like you and it's
397
00:38:52.719 --> 00:38:57.559
being a little bit more not out
there in the world, but still being
398
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:00.119
out there in the world in your
own way, what works and functions for
399
00:39:00.199 --> 00:39:04.039
you, that that's okay, you
know, And I think that's what it
400
00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:06.960
is. By saying someone, Okay, I can do my work online and
401
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:08.599
I can interact with people, but
I don't always have to be out there
402
00:39:09.559 --> 00:39:13.440
with everyone all the time. I
think that's good for people to know that
403
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:19.000
that, you know, it's all
right. Yeah. I think that again,
404
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.960
it has impacted everybody on such different
levels, but that I think we're
405
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:31.199
going to get a lot of feedback
hearing how it has impacted people so differently.
406
00:39:32.039 --> 00:39:38.719
Absolutely, you can reach us at
Voyage Media, at Twitter, Instagram
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and on Facebook. And you can
reach out directly to me at Panicked Remy
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on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.
I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
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been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty
years and run a thriving private practice.
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I'm also diagnosed SPI polar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
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which tends to throw my life into
complete chaos. So as I do
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some spiraling, my best friend Liz
Win will do her best to ground me
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a bit. During this podcast,
we'll be talking about the horror and the
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humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
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funny, but yet very human.
Let's get started. Here's a well
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adjusted moment from Lizze's life. So
I'm currently visiting Texas and as I opened
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the door this morning, front door, there's a six foot rat snake blocking
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my way. Oh my god,
did you call nine one one? No,
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Remy, I took pictures of videos
like everyone else would have, and
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this has been a well adated moment
from Lizze's life. You are most definitely
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a glass half full kind of girl, which, okay, is perfect because
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that leads me into what what the
hell am I stressed out about today?
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Liz? And what is stressing you
out today. Okay, what is stressing
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me out right now is a feeling, Liz. It is feeling that I
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don't completely understand because I've never experienced
it before. And this is very interesting,
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Liz. This is it as if
we rehearse this, which anybody who's
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listening, we did not. We
do not talk about the podcast at all
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until we are actually doing this.
I was in my kitchen making a cup
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of coffee. I turned around,
I leaned against my stove, and I
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was staring at a piece of art
hanging on my wall, which says,
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always see your glass as half full. Now did you not just say that?
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Did? We just did not?
I didn't. I've been in your
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kitchen. I do not remember that
ball hanging with a saying, but yeah,
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it's been there for years. Now. Here's the thing. The only
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reason that I have that piece of
art is because the colors match my kitchen
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and the frame is the right size
and shape for the like space. I
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would never otherwise own such a thing
because that mindset is polar opposite of me.
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I would never own such it.
This would be like a gift I
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would give to you it Franks,
to your mindset, it does not speak
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to mine, but it fit perfectly, so I got it. Now,
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if I were creating such art,
it would say life sucks and then you
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die. I'm not so how many
people would buy that one, but okay,
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I would buy it like I would
make it dollars mate, and then
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like I would produce it for others
because I am positive others would feel the
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same way to not people like you. I would never target people like you,
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but you know whatever, Okay.
So usually as I read this,
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I read it and I giggle.
Only this time this week, I am
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leaning against stove and I'm drinking my
cup of coffee and I read it and
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I don't giggle. And I noticed
instantaneously that I don't giggle. Why am
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I not giggling? I asked on
myself, and going would you say?
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I said, why were you not
giggling? Exactly? Why why was I
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not giggling? And I did not
have an answer. However, this then
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becomes my obsessive thought of the week, and I couldn't stop thinking about it,
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and I didn't have an answer,
And where my fucked up mind went
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took me to places that I never
expected to go. So you want to
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go on this fucked up trip with
me. Sure, so you were you
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were spacing into the fact that you
hadn't laughed at that sign or what the
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signment or was it all together?
I know what the sign means, like
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I know exactly what it means,
but I usually laugh at it because I
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think it's ridiculous. See the glass
half full, be optimistic, be grateful,
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see things as like like good in
the world. Please. It's such
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bullshit. So I laugh at it, and I think of people like you.
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You know, something horrible happens and
you can actually make light of it,
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like, oh, your hotel room
has overflowed. That's okay, I'll
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put down some tails and no problem. Don't worry about me, worry about
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the other forty people. I'm fine. Oh my car, all the tires
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have been taken off my car.
It's an inconvenience, but I'll get four
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new tires. Yeah, come on, it's ridiculous. Be pissed off that
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your car has no tires, Like, what is this glass half fullshit?
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It's shit? Well with me,
it is. I'll have that initial like
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like when the tires or whatever,
it's like, oh crap, But then
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it's like I don't want to let
myself get into that any negative. So
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if I can clear it out five
or timents, sometimes it takes longer depending
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on what kind of situation is.
But if I can work my way through
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it, it gets me to the
end. That's how I get to the
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other side, so that I'm not
like in down duldrums. I get it.
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That must be a lovely place to
live. That is not where I
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live. You know, I don't
even visit. It's not a place I
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go to. I have heard that
place exists. I just don't have a
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ticket to enter. So here is
where my mind went throughout the week,
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because it was like a week long
process. I go back to a kid,
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like as a teenager I was.
I was always a good kid,
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and I had like a really nice
group of friends who were all really good
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kids. And I was never rebellious. I always got along great with my
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parents. And not that I had
a curfew. But if I would have
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had a curfew, I would buckt
in the kid who would have broken it.
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You know, I didn't drink alcohol, I didn't do drugs, and
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I was always a homebody. So
when I would get together with friends,
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my preference was to invite them over
to my house, my room, talk
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rent movies, order pizza. By
the time I met you, we were,
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you know, in our twenties,
and I was still living with my
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parents, and you know, the
thing went like coming over to my house,
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hang out my house, like I
was always at home. That is
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where I always wanted to be.
The only major issue that was that really
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existed between me and my parents was
academically, like my grades always sucked and
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I was always on the verge of
failing something, and I always thought I
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was going to be held back a
grade. And the funny thing is the
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only thing I ever failed was JIM
and it was because I got I cursed
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out my gym teacher, which was
by the way, well deserved. And
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had I known, is she had
said I cursed her out, and she's
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like, you are never to return
to JIM again, and you officially failed.
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And had I known that, all
I needed to do was curse her
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out and I would have a free
pass out at GIM, I wouldn't done
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that so much sooner what a schmuck
I didn't know. So anyway, I
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was like not punished often. The
only time I was ever punished were for
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like horrible grades and pray. My
parents chose two interesting The way my parents
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chose to punish me was by forcing
me to make plans with friends out side
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of the house. And they would
say, kids your age, have social
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lives, call your friends, make
plans and go out. Liz, I
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that hated the ink punished. Wow, that is a very different punishment than
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I have. Quite the opposite.
You are stuck inside. Here's a book,
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no TV. There were no computers
at the time, so not so
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much fun for me. It was
get the fuck out of the house,
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have a social life, God damn
it. Meanwhile, my sister, who's
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like three and a half years longer, you couldn't. You couldn't keep her
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inside. She had like hundreds of
friends, she had her own phone line.
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She was like so busy, always
on the eye. Please get out
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of your room, Please get out
of the house. No, I don't
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want to. You can't make me
okay again. No, this, in
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all fairness, who was the eighties
and mental health disorders they really weren't like
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recognized, diagnosed, or really discussed
in any way at all. But like,
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seriously, the fact that my punishment
was forced me to be social,
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that's actually punishment. Most parents would
give to their kids today because none of
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them want to actually exit the house. Only right, that's right, would
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prefer being on top and being on
his computer. Putting making him go outside.
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You would think that you were like
skinning him or something. But even
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like the kids who were inside on
their computer, they're hooked up to their
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computer friends, like like they're still
you know, in this world being social
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on the computer. Like do you
watch face oar tapes? Exactly? No.
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My father, who was undiagnosed bipolar
at that point until like twenty years
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after that time, Thank you genetics, struggled terribly with it. My mother,
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who was extremely anti social herself but
always pretended very very well not to
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be again, thank you genetics also
should have known that something was very very
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wrong. What Right wished for more
than anything during junior high, high school,
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college was too simply be left alone, no social contact with anyone at
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all, and quite frankly, that
has not changed. Oh yes, yeah,
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you know, you are the only
person I should really tolerate for longer
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than like, you know, fifteen
minutes at a time. And really that's
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kind of pushing it. Um pre
covid right, single mom, Yeah,
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out in the world, running every
day, ever errands, living what appears
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to be a fully functioning life,
but yet beyond over whelmed. Okay,
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the weight of the world on my
shoulders up early school bus, paperwork,
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emails, phone calls, invoices,
receipts, client, client, client.
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My youngest did not know a time
when he didn't have a babysitter from after
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pool until bedtime. Right right,
I felt like I was running, And
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I don't run like I'm like I
was. You were running all day,
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like I was running towards the grave
with no feasible way out. I didn't
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know how to put the brakes on, how to take a step back,
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how to reprioritize my life. I
was going full force and I didn't know
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how to stop. But like my
mother, I have always He's been the
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great pretender, with a smile on
my face, funny stories to tell,
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making everyone else feel so good.
I always worked so hard at pretending that
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everything was okay. But I was
holding on to what was left of my
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mental health by a fucking string that
was threatening to break. Not that anyone
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would know, because no, I
mean, even as we were talking during
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the pandemic, I would talk to
at one point and that we talked to
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you at another point, and I
didn't always realize how much you were pretending
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in front of your kids, and
that's even being at home, and how
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much work you were doing in that
and trying to put a good face on
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things. I was that I like, that was always my main job.
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I always tried to keep it from
my fits, always, always, always,
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always, And that was the hardest
part of the pandemic because I was
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there with my kids. You were
the only person who knew how far from
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okay that I was. There were
times when things got really bad that I'd
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let my mom in, but only
so much. But from the outside,
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I was functioning right while living with
panic and anxiety and depression every single day.
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And then the world was hit with
COVID. Yeah, okay, So
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before I say another word, if
this is just sort of like a disclaimer,
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because I want you already know,
because we've had conversation and you already
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know what's going to come out of
my mouth. But I want anyone who's
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listening to this to know that I
am so utterly aware of how devastating COVID
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has been, the millions of deaths, the complete crash of our global economy,
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the impact that isolation has had,
the forced use of mask wearing,
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how the abused had to remain in
the same health sohold with their abusers.
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The impact on people's mental health.
I mean, I get it. I
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really understand the devastation that this virus
has caused. Okay, complete disclaimer.
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Now with that said, I understand
how horrible my next words are going to
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sound. I honestly think you're going
to be the only one out there though.
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Okay, you know you're not the
only one. I shared this with.
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I shared this with you. You
took a beat before you said anything.
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I actually also shared this early on
with my mother, and he yelled
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at me and said, don't you
ever say that again. Okay, but
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here it is, and I'm going
to say, at this again, I
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am, thanks to COVID personally thriving. I know that I am probably in
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a minority here, I get it. But COVID has given me a totally
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different way of living, a totally
different way of life. My mother was
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so angry at me, and when
I said, actually, I'm kind of
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thriving, she yelled at me,
don't you ever say that again. I
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mean, she had friends that died. It was I understand. I get
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it. For me, being outside
is bad. It's danger, danger,
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danger. I am so hyper aware
of everything that I can't help to turn
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the teeniest, tiniest little thing into
something so completely catastrophic. So thank God,
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like I have a legit reason to
not be in the world, because
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even as the world opened, I
decided not to join it. When the
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lockdown occurred, it was as if
God himself said, you know the way
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that really weird woman, Remy Brooks, wants to live in total isolation where
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nobody leaves their house. How about
we try that, but for the entire
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world. What the hell, Let's
get that a shot and see what happens.
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As if God himself said, you
know what, Len, you may
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be onto something. And suddenly,
for the first and my life is I
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wasn't the outcast right, And I
had never felt so calm, And it
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was the first time that I recall
living a life without anxiety. And that's
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not to say that because when COVID
hit, I was so fearful of it
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too, and you know what was
going to happen and how this was affecting
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everything. I mean, I was
terrified, but it was a different kind
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of terrified. It wasn't my personal
anxiety. I was living a life without
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my crazy anxiety. And it was
such an amazing relief, and it was
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beautiful. We're going to take a
quick break and we'll be right back now.
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In all fairness, unlike so many
other people, my kids were at
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an age where they could do virtual
school on their own right, take care
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of themselves more or less exactly.
So I got to sleep in until like
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one two o'clock in the afternoon every
single day. I got to drink NonStop
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cups of coffee and chain smoke in
my garage and binge, watch TV and
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talk to no one except my kids. I was living my fantasy life.
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And then something very strange happened that
I never in a million years I thought
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would occur. What was that?
My tvr very quickly somehow, with seven
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percentful to zero. Now, fear
not, Liz. I did have Netflix
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and I did have Amazon Prime,
but like in no time at all,
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I very clear, huh, And
now I was facing uncharted territory. What
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does one do when you literally have
no TV to watch? I did not
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know this answer, because I'm not
on social media. I had no idea
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what people did. So I asked
a friend, and apparently people were cooking
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elaborate meals. However, I don't
even know how to scramble eggs, so
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that was not something that was for
me. Not No, apparently, somehow,
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and I still don't understand what this
is all about. People were baking
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sour dough bread. That became a
thing, that was a big thing.
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It was hard to find. You
stop telling it. I don't get that.
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I don't know how that became a
thing. Dy projects became a thing.
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I don't own a hammer. That
was not going to be a thing
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for me. So I figured if
I had no TV to watch, then
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clearly I would write my own TV. Right, right, So I picked
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up an old hobby that I dropped
because I didn't have time to pursue it.
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So in nineteen ninety four, the
week after I graduated college, I
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moved out to LA to pursue writing
and acting, which clearly went nowhere,
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says the therapist. So now here's
COVID, right, perfect opportunity to all
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the entire world slowed down, and
now I had time to write from beginning
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to end. And I realized that
I still left it, and I was
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still good at it, and I
wrote like many different TV scripts and two
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of them, both thirty minute dramedies, were picked up, and I somehow
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became a client of a TV production
company called Voyage Media, and I have
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shopping agreements for both of these scripts, and this same production company is now
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producing this podcast. Like how the
fuck do you jump to here? Like?
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Who would? Life is crazy?
It's crazy. Professionally, telehealth becomes
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a thing right right, which no
one did before. What the hell?
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I honestly, I never even heard
of telehealth before. I never heard of
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zoom, and suddenly I'm seeing clients
over zoom. And in the meantime,
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I realize, which was like the
greatest thing in world, that there was
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no reason that I have to get
out of my pajamas. No, you
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never have to see a client in
your household again, never again. I
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wasn't leaving the house, and I
was a much happier human being in pajamas
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than I was in clothes. And
by the way, I recommend it to
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people, it's fabulous. So even
when the lockdown ended and the world started
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becoming more normal, I felt free
to continue saying no to social and family
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expectations and my baseline, anxiety stayed
down, and we're like past two years
248
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into COVID, and I only go
out when I have to, and I
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00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:48.519
rarely have to, and I am
living a mostly anxiety free light. Oh
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oh, Liz, something awful happened
this past week and my anxiety, which
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I have not felt in over two
years, skyrocketed through the roof. It
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00:26:03.960 --> 00:26:11.319
was awful. What I thought?
I get an evite to Randy's seventieth birthday
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party. No, no, I
have not been to a social event in
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00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:22.000
over two years. I can't do
this. I cannot. I can't do
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this, and I don't want to
do this. And I remember you telling
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00:26:26.599 --> 00:26:30.880
me about what the first time you
went out to a restaurant when COVID once
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00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.559
everyone started getting their shots, and
just a restaurant with a couple of people,
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00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:41.200
you knew You're now talking about a
party. There's no there's there's absolutely
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no way I can do this.
And I'm scrolling to see like how many
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people have been invited now and already
RSVP, and I may be slightly exaggerating,
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Okay, so we can take that
add into account that there might be
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a slight exaggeration, but roughly eight
hundred and thirty two thousand people are going
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to this party in the so about
zero one of that, About eight hundred
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00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:22.759
and thirty two thousand people are going
to this party. Okay. So in
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00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:30.279
the last two years, I have
worked my way up. I have gotten
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together in a group with my immediate
family consisting of no larger than eight people,
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and I am fucking proud of myself
to have gotten to that point.
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Okay, So there is no way
that I can attend a party of nine
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hundred and sixty seven thousand people.
I can't see that group quickly. I'm
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pretty sure it was the exact same
number I told you before. It's it's
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about a hundred a million. It's
close to a million people. And by
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the time I'm anything I want to
say, I might be slightly exaggerating the
273
00:28:21.799 --> 00:28:26.039
numbers, but not by much.
By the time I got this invitation,
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it was too late to call my
mother. She was already asleep. So
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I was like done. I can
ask yes, because the answer was no.
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There was no way in hell I
was going to this party. There
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there was no way, and I
knew that she was. She was going
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to be upset. I'm her kid, and this is her husband, and
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of course I should be there.
Um, all of the family is going
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to be there, and how could
I not show up? And this was
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going to be a thing and the
last thing in the world. Old I
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00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:02.640
wanted to just upset my mother.
I don't want to upset my mother.
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I'm like, so scared of my
mother, you know, so I don't
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00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:08.400
want to upset her. But I'm
not going. I can't go. I
285
00:29:08.519 --> 00:29:15.599
was up all night long panicking.
So the next and I take sleeping pills
286
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:19.559
and I still couldn't sleep. So
I took more sleeping pills, but I
287
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:25.160
still couldn't sleep. So now I'm
like close to overdosing. But I so
288
00:29:25.400 --> 00:29:30.119
can't sleep and I'm terrified and I'm
scared and I'm full of anxiety. And
289
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:32.920
I finally get her the next day
and I'm like, I can't, I
290
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:36.599
can't, I can't. She's like
what, And I'm like the invitation Randy's
291
00:29:36.599 --> 00:29:40.359
Burgle party, I can't, I
can't, I can't. And she's like,
292
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:45.319
oh, honey, where already knew
that? Oh wow? Why would
293
00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:51.039
you not have given me a heads
up? Why would you would have put
294
00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:56.480
me through that? Why would you
have made such a big deal out of
295
00:29:56.519 --> 00:30:00.680
that. So she was so wrong. She was just she was so wrong.
296
00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:07.519
Anyway, here's the thing again that
COVID did for me. It was
297
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:17.640
because and during COVID, because I
had always hid and pretended that, you
298
00:30:17.680 --> 00:30:21.880
know, I didn't have any problems. I'm okay, I can handle things
299
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:26.599
that had I not. It was
over these last two years that I became
300
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:34.079
so much more verbal about my mental
health issues with my family. And which
301
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:38.200
is really good? Would you say? Which was really good? Because I
302
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:44.200
don't think they realized how much certain
situations really that it wasn't just that you
303
00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:47.440
didn't want to because you didn't want
to, There was something behind it exactly.
304
00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:52.160
Had that not happened, I would
never have been able to attend the
305
00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:56.200
party, and they would have assumed
that it was just a big fuck you.
306
00:30:57.039 --> 00:31:00.680
Yeah, And how would I have
been able to explain, you know?
307
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:07.960
So it opened up all of this
communication between me and my family,
308
00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:14.000
and it also it taught me to
prioritize my mental health, which is amazing
309
00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:21.839
and strangely enough, it even translated
into my practice too, because before I
310
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:26.160
used to take on any client that
came through, and I stop doing that.
311
00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:33.559
I now only work with clients that
I truly enjoy working with, because
312
00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:37.000
I really want to enjoy the work
I do. So if there's a client
313
00:31:37.079 --> 00:31:41.759
that comes through that I don't personally
like really like to work with, I
314
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:48.119
refer them out, which is something
I never expected to occur. And it's
315
00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:52.880
interesting because since that happened, I've
started to get more and more phone calls
316
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:56.720
and the practice started to grow.
Oh, it's very it's so weird,
317
00:31:57.359 --> 00:32:01.240
and like things with my kids have
changed, like there will never be another
318
00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:06.480
babysitter and I will always have time
to help with homework and I will never
319
00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:12.519
miss bedtime routine again, and like
I will now I write all the time,
320
00:32:13.079 --> 00:32:15.599
and it's not just something that I
like to do. It's become something
321
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:22.759
that I really need to do.
I think, my darling, that feeling
322
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:31.759
that I didn't know what it was. Dare I say, I think I'm
323
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:44.319
feeling optimistic about how my life is
going right now, which is kind of
324
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:51.480
crazy and kind of good and unlike
you, I was never that person that
325
00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:57.880
was like about gratitude. I mean, I be grateful when the next horrible
326
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:00.599
thing is just waiting around the corner, and get prepared for the horrible be
327
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:07.720
prepared for the horrible, but I'm
actually feeling quateful. So like, yeah,
328
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:14.720
I'm still the weird one who prefers
to stay home in pajamas at all
329
00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:22.519
times, but that's okay. I
like, and you still have your ups
330
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:28.279
and dinners. It's not that you're
saying that you don't have those anxious moments
331
00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:30.039
or and I know what, the
kids starting to kind of get out of
332
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:34.480
the house too, allows you some
time to, like you're not twenty four
333
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:39.559
seven having to put on a phase
that you can, you know, take
334
00:33:39.640 --> 00:33:43.440
some time for yourself now that everyone's
kind of getting out of the house and
335
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:45.480
back to school and stuff. So
I think that helps too, so much,
336
00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:54.960
It helps so much. And it's
like I think that I'm feeling more
337
00:33:55.400 --> 00:34:01.599
like you in that, like you've
always been very grateful for your family,
338
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:08.800
and like you're you're you're a grateful
person, Like I am grateful for my
339
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:15.280
family and their understanding and their support
and something that I've always taken for granted,
340
00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:21.440
which is interesting because even even though
my dad died so young, you
341
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:25.639
know, I've like kind of taken
it for granted because of COVID. Through
342
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:31.480
COVID, and I feel like we
you me, my kids were like the
343
00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:36.280
only people left on earth that haven't
gotten COVID yet. Like I don't know,
344
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:40.960
I feel like we're the last remaining. But yes, I'm like so
345
00:34:42.119 --> 00:34:52.800
grateful for just like everybody's health and
for my much slower pace of life and
346
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:58.519
for renewing like this old passion and
realizing that it's still there and strong and
347
00:34:58.599 --> 00:35:01.280
oh my godless on my be turning
into one of these grateful people, which
348
00:35:01.320 --> 00:35:07.039
is so not me and should pass
really really soon. But for the moment,
349
00:35:07.159 --> 00:35:15.760
I'm just I'm appreciating it. I
think, yeah that the bottom line
350
00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:22.440
is I knew I needed to make
a huge change in my life, but
351
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:28.760
I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, and for me, COVID
352
00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:31.760
elicited that change, and I don't
ever want to go back to the way
353
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:38.119
I was living before. And like
so I understand and see this is where
354
00:35:39.239 --> 00:35:43.719
you see. Of all the horrors
that there were because of COVID, as
355
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:47.840
you stated them before, oh my
goodness, your glass halfful is you were
356
00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:52.360
able to take something from it and
change how you were living your life to
357
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:55.760
make it, you know, less
stressful, less anxiety, you know,
358
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:00.840
having less anxiety. So now seeing
the glasses halfful. It won't happen all
359
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:06.800
the time. No, I'm sure
it won't. I'm sure the feeling will
360
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:12.719
pass quickly. But for right now, I'm going to take that as a
361
00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:19.199
win. And I think that that
is why I looked at that piece of
362
00:36:19.320 --> 00:36:27.559
art and didn't didn't laugh. So
I think I realized it before I realized
363
00:36:27.559 --> 00:36:31.000
it, you know what I mean? Yep. Yeah, Well, you
364
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:35.920
know, there's so many ups and
downs that people have gone through and they're
365
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:38.360
you know, obviously there are people
out there that became isolated, but I
366
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:44.159
do think that there are people out
there that realized, hey, I want
367
00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:46.000
to work from home. I want
to have the flexibility to stay with my
368
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:51.239
family and you know, not spend
an hour driving to a job in an
369
00:36:51.280 --> 00:36:53.599
hour driving home from a job.
And I think it has allowed a lot
370
00:36:53.639 --> 00:36:59.519
of people to kind of reprioritize and
see, you know, what's important to
371
00:36:59.559 --> 00:37:06.199
them. You know, I wish
some more people would kind of take that
372
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:12.079
in line and would less be walking
down hallways saying what the f and blah
373
00:37:12.119 --> 00:37:15.920
blah blah and realize, you know, it's not the worst thing in life.
374
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:20.880
It's an inconvenience, but they're far
worse things out there, you know.
375
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:23.000
And if it only happens to every
once in a while to see the
376
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:27.599
glass half full, at least you're
standing in half full. That's a wonderful
377
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:30.159
way to view it. Yep,
it's a nice change. Oh, I'm
378
00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:32.800
glad it's happening for you. And
I'm glad it happened for you because I
379
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:39.840
know over the years, you know
how I never realized, you know,
380
00:37:39.960 --> 00:37:45.079
until as you started telling me as
to how just anxious just regular situations.
381
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:47.440
I know you didn't like you didn't
like getting lost, but just out there
382
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:51.639
driving or meeting new people or you
know, I was always happy to go
383
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:53.159
to your house for like, you
know, yeah who or one of the
384
00:37:53.239 --> 00:37:57.320
you know, one of the holidays
and stuff, and you detested it and
385
00:37:57.400 --> 00:38:00.320
not realizing it wasn't just that you
didn't want to spend time with your family,
386
00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:04.000
it was just the whole anxiety of
being there with all the people and
387
00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:14.480
that whole situation. Yeah, it
was like every little thing was so you
388
00:38:14.519 --> 00:38:20.280
know, so much anxiety was attached
to everything. So it's just it's a
389
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:22.320
it's a nice break, Liz,
It's it's a nice break, And I'm
390
00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:25.000
going to take the break for as
long as I possibly can, and if
391
00:38:25.039 --> 00:38:30.599
this becomes, you know, my
new reality, then just how wonderful would
392
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:36.920
that be. So I'm hanging onto
it for as long as possible. Absolutely,
393
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:40.480
thank you, my darling, Well, thank you. I think it's
394
00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:45.679
good that people know that there were
that they are different experiences to come out
395
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.800
of that whole situation with COVID,
that some of them were definitely negative,
396
00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:52.679
but some of them were positive,
and that if it's like you and it's
397
00:38:52.719 --> 00:38:57.559
being a little bit more not out
there in the world, but still being
398
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:00.119
out there in the world in your
own way, what works and functions for
399
00:39:00.199 --> 00:39:04.039
you, that that's okay, you
know, And I think that's what it
400
00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:06.960
is. By saying someone, Okay, I can do my work online and
401
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:08.599
I can interact with people, but
I don't always have to be out there
402
00:39:09.559 --> 00:39:13.440
with everyone all the time. I
think that's good for people to know that
403
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:19.000
that, you know, it's all
right. Yeah. I think that again,
404
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.960
it has impacted everybody on such different
levels, but that I think we're
405
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:31.199
going to get a lot of feedback
hearing how it has impacted people so differently.
406
00:39:32.039 --> 00:39:38.719
Absolutely, you can reach us at
Voyage Media, at Twitter, Instagram
407
00:39:38.760 --> 00:39:45.440
and on Facebook. And you can
reach out directly to me at Panicked Remy
408
00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:49.599
on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.











