Leave For A Battery, Return With A Dog

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Welcome to my weekly panic attack.
I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've

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been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty
years and run a thriving private practice.

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I'm also diagnosed s bipolar or OCD. Often the two do not mix well,

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which tends to throw my life into
complete chaos. So as I do

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some spiraling, my best friend Liz
Win will do her best to ground me

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a bit. During this podcast,
we'll be talking about the horror and the

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humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,

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funny, but yet very human.
Let's get started, and there's no

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better way to get started than by
beginning this episode and all episodes with my

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friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligence and ever rational Liz Win.

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How are you, Liz? I'm
good today. How are you well?

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I'm a little stressed because I got
a puppy, and I really could just

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end the story right here, because
anybody who has a puppy is probably experiencing

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the same level of stress that I'm
currently experiencing. I'll get into that later,

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but first, here's a well adjusted
moment from Lizz's life. Name or

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me. As I was rushing out
of the house to get to work.

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I saw that someone stole all four
tires off my car and left it resting

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on four soda cards. Did you
use any contacts to try to find this

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person so payback could be dished out, No, remy, I of course

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called my insurance company and talk to
them and got four new tires for the

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cost of the d duck. It
was a total win on my part.

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Yes, of course you would see
it that way. And this has been

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a well adjusted moment from Lizz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz,

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What time is it? It is
time for me to tell you what

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the hell I'm stressed out about.
Now what is stressing you out today?

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Liz? I have a puppy named
Lucy and I have a love hate relationship

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with her. I love her,
I do, but she is so destructive

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and she is testing my OCD every
single day. She finds my decorative pillows.

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Oh no, and all of my
throat blankets absolutely delicious as she eats

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all of them, all of them. Liz. So now they are all

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your lovely pillows that were purchased as
a set to look nice on your couch.

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Gone. Um, it's those pillows
are actually what made the couch like

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I loved those eaten eaten um not
replaceable. Yeah, exactly. She is

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destroying my house item by item.
And that's not to say like there are

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lovable, wonderful things about her when
she's not being destructive, which sadly isn't

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very off often. So again I
will sum this up by saying that we

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have a love hate relationship. Liz, I am going to ask you,

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okay, the trip with me all
the way back to the year twenty oh

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one. This was the year I
got married. Yes, I do remember

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that, you do, of course
you do. But before I got married,

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something else major happened that year.
Very early on in my career,

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I was working as a mobile crisis
therapist and I got a call. So

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I grabbed God so many things I
needed at my purse, laptop, my

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bag of paperwork, my ice,
water, coffee, sunglasses, keys,

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cell phone, everything I needed,
and out to the car I went.

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Does one do, regardless of how
nicely you ask, when you turn your

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car on and your car says nope, not today, today is not the

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day. I'm just not doing it. What does one do? Sit inhale

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and exhale that happened to me yesterday. I am so sorry on the way

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to someone's memorial. Yes, oh, Liz, I'm so sorry. Okay,

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so you sat inhaled and exhaled,
and I'm guessing when you tried to

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turn it on, it's still said
no. It's still said no. You

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must be kidding. You're right.
Okay, So what did you do after

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you're inhale and exhale experience? Well, since I was picking my mother up

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to take her to this thing,
I called her to have her pick me

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up to take me to take us
to the memorial. Okay, very not

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what you could do. Going to
work, I called Triple it. And

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how long is a typical wait for
Triple A in Philadelphia? Three or four

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hours? Yes, multiple hours.
So about three hours later, Triple A

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finally shows up and the guy says, he's like, it's no big deal.

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It's a dead battery. Take the
card of the mechanic. They'll be

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able to pop out the dead battery
and pop in a new one. He

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says it's a five minute job.
So he gave me a jump and I

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went to my mechanic. I get
to the shop, I walk in,

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I say, I need a new
battery, and they say to me,

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no problem, great, now exactly, I'm told it's a five minute job.

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He says, do you see all
those people waiting, You'll be after

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them. Okay, So how long
do you think that's gonna take? About

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two hours or a five minute job? You've got to be kidding me,

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You're right, he says, about
two hours and five minutes to actually swap

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it out. Yes, wait a
minute, don't you think maybe someone can

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just pop out the dead battery and
pop out the new one, because it's

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only a five the minute job,
right, So he points to the waiting

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room and asks, well, how
do you think all those people who've been

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waiting for hours ye would feel if
we took you in before them. He

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asked me to think about it,
and I thought he came up with I

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think they'd be fine with it,
because you know, it's a five minute

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job. Liz. The man left. He outright left at me. I

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can absolutely imagine his face as this
conversation was going on, and the faces

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of the people that were hearing this
conversation going on. Nobody was hearing it.

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I was the only one at the
counter. Everybody else was in the

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waiting lounge, and I sink,
you know, watch watch this. I

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walked over to the large crowd of
waiting people, introduced myself, said my

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hollos to everyone, and then I
began I'm hoping that you guys can clear

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something up for me. Actually,
I'm hoping that you will take my side,

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because I believe in all of you, whereas the man behind the counter

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believes in none of you. I
need a new battery. It's a five

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minute job. All they need to
do is pop out the old battery and

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pop in the new one, literally
five minutes. The man behind the counter,

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he thinks you would have a problem
with that. Where I know because

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I'm just like you. I live
here too. I'm a Philadelphian, born

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and raised in the city of brotherly
Love. I know that you guys would

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never have a problem with somebody coming
in for a very fast, five minute

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chuck. They showed you all the
brotherly love of Philly, right. Well,

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say that facetiously, because two my
shink and dismay. Someone said to

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me, you're fucking kidding me.
I've been here three hours. Somebody else

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said, I've been here since before
they opened, and you want to jump

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in line huh. And then someone
rose and started walking towards It's me.

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Oh god, I've found myself putting
my hands out in a stop motion,

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saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, stand back, get back. Instead

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he got closer, and I am
backing up and quite honestly beginning to feel

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slightly panicked. But yet my mouth
won't stop. It couldn't stop, and

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I found myself saying, what is
wrong with you? It's a five minute

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job, a five minute job.
You're telling me he's right, and more

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importantly, I'm wrong. And the
one man who is standing is screaming at

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me, get the fuck out of
here. The guy behind the calendar gives

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me away out by calling me over
to him. I was very grateful.

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He was, you know, he
was chuckling under his breath as he did

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that to my faceless not under his
breath, to my face. All of

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the people in the waiting room they
had become enraged, and I couldn't stop

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screaming like disgraceful, you are shameful. This is a balling. I mean,

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I really couldn't believe it. So
I now had ours. So waiting

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and waiting in the auto shop did
not seem like a very good idea.

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You didn't want to sit next to
the people that you just have to were

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shameful. I can't imagine that's I
did not want to do. The good

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thing about this autoshop that I now
had hours to wait in is that it's

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attached to a very large shopping center. I've been to the shopping center so

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many times, but I only have
gone into one store, so I never

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actually walked the shopping center, and
therefore I had no idea what was in

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there. So I'm walking around chain
smoking because I'm livid. May I remind

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you a five minute shop? Lo
and behold there's a pet store that I

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never knew existed. And since I
had plenty of time to kill right,

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I walked in and there were two
puppies, only two puppies. One was

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this absolutely beautiful German shepherd baby boy, who was all ears. His earsss

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were so big that he could barely
hold his head up. I remember that,

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No, God, he was so
beautiful. Now, I have a

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beautiful, wonderful history with a German
shepherd, so I always knew that I

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was going to end up with one. What I did not know is that

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on that particular day, I would
meet that German shepherd, and the other

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puppy was a female yellow lab.
My parents had recently just put down their

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dog, Sassy, the chocolate brown
lab that I had already talked about.

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Yeah, and they were just starting
to talk about thinking that maybe at some

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point perhaps they might consider getting a
female yellow black. And here she was.

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We're gonna take a quick break and
we'll be right back. I walked

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into this pet store and here was
my German shepherd and my parents yellow lab,

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the family two puppies they had in
this entire store. Being that I

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had so much time to kill,
I asked the woman who was working there

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to set up a room for me
and my German shepherd. So I'm playing

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with him, and eventually the auto
place calls and tells me that my car

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is ready to be picked up,
so I leave the room. I give

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her back the shepherd. And at
this point I had never had my own

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dog as an adult, so I
had like, literally no idea how much

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dogs, cause I didn't know if
they were two hundred, five hundred,

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a thousand, Like, I had
no idea it's a shell, it's a

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stick, sticker, shock when you
see it, well, and again,

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this was two thousand and one,
so I had no idea. So I

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asked the woman who worked there,
how much is the shepherd? And she

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says twenty five hundred? WHOA,
that was a lot back then. That

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figure was a figure how I could
not compete in my head it was so

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high. So I tried to work
it out out loud as in two thousand

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and five hundred dollars. Yes,
okay. So here's the thing. I'm

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not trying to pull one over on
you. I don't have that money.

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I just I don't have it.
It's not in my account, it does

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not exist. But I do want
the dog. So what's the lowest price

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you'll sell this dog for? Twenty
five hundred? I think you're missing the

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fact that we have entered the negotiation
phase. I think one of you thought

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that the other one was not so
aware of that. Well, she says,

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we don't negotiate. So I say, may I please speak with your

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manager? Well, don't you know
it was she is the manager. Who

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else can I speak with? No
one? I said, you don't play

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this game. Well, that's an
interesting take on it. She says,

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there's no game to play. The
Dougust twenty five dollars dollars. Ever,

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make sure I reply I hate you, and very calmly, she says,

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I'm sorry you feel that way.
You don't act like you're very sorry.

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I'm sorry that that's what's coming across. How raged. I how raged the

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second time the day. Oh oh, I am having a very bad day.

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And I turned around two storm out
the store as only I can.

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But right before I opened the door, I asked, Hey, how much

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for the yellow lab twenty five hundred? Fuck you can? I leave?

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Thought that was great mature way to
handle that. Hey, I am nothing

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if not a class act a story
to tell for that day. So I

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get into my now working car and
I call my mom and her office to

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tell her all about the day I'm
having. I tell her about the German

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Shepherd puppy, and I asked,
do you remember my history with this other

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German shepherd? Of course she does, Like, what are the chances,

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mom, of all the days for
my car to have died? What should

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have taken five minutes took hours that
I never knew this pet store even existed,

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But there were only two puppies,
Mom, I need this dog.

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This dog is meant to be mine. This is like a full circle moment.

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This is like God saying this dog
was meant for me, And she's

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like, well, why didn't you
get him twenty five hundred dollars? Mom

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to twenty five hundred dollars, And
I leave it there with a very planned

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and specifically place pause to give her
the necessary time that she would need an

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order to say, because I have
this all figured out in my head,

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for an order for her to say, well, hone, maybe Daddy and

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I can get him for you as
a combined Hanukkah and birthday gift. Now,

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that was exactly what was supposed to
come out of her mouth, because

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I willed it. I so strongly
willed it. And again, this was

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meant to be. So I'm waiting
for the line which surely was about to

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come out of her mouth, but
instead she said, I'm sorry to hear

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that, babe. I need to
get back to work. That my mal

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wielding thing was not coming across to
her, obviously, obviously, But Liz,

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I had one more chip to play
now, I just only had one

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more hip, and here it was. Do you know how I told your

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mom that there were two puppies in
that store you'll never believe this. The

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other puppy was a female yellow Lab. And then I go silent, letting

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it all soak in. That was
your mic trop exactly. I know how

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to play this game. I have
been playing this game my entire life.

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And she took it. She took
the beat and said really, and I'm

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like, yes, the rest of
the litter is gone for both my German

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shepherd and you're yellow Lab. I'm
telling you, mom, this is a

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meant to be moment. Seriously,
what are the chances? And her response

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was, babe, I really need
to get back to work. So I

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had played all my later cards.
Yep, you did it, and I

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was left not feeling very hopeful.
Later that night, I get a phone

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call from my mom. She says, guess what I'm doing. I don't

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like this game, Mom, I
don't want to guess what are you doing?

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I'm playing with my new yellow Lab. Oh no, yeay, she's

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getting you your dog. I'm like, you're doing what? So she says,

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I told Randy. Okay, Randy
bus now husband, long story.

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Another time. I told him your
story and he surprised me and Daddy with

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the yellow Lab. So I'm playing
with my yellow lab. Um is Randy

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on his way to my house with
my German shepherd? And she is confused.

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Confused, Liz, she's confused.
She blocked out part of that conversation

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you had earlier that day. She
did, indeed, because she asked,

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why would he be on his way
to your house with a German shepherd?

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I'm sorry, Mom, did you
miss the entire point of my story?

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Because the entire point of my story
was about the German shepherd. How this

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was a full circle moment, How
I needed this dog, how I was

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meant by God to have this dog. Mom, it was a throwaway statement

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when I mentioned the yellow lab.
The story had nothing to do with the

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yellow lab. Are you telling me
that the only part of the story you

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got was the yellow lab? And
she said, so, are you telling

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me I should call Randy about the
German shepherd. I'm just wondering how we're

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still on the phone, anger,
not already calling Randy about the German shepherd.

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So I'll call you back in a
few minutes, she said. She

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was seeing the air of her way. She was, indeed, and true

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to her word. In a few
minutes, my mom called back and said,

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so, Randy decided that he's gonna
get you a German shepherd puppy as

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your wedding gift. Oh my god, I wonder how he came up with

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such an original idea. Brilliant,
brilliant was an extremely generous and thoughtful wedding

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gift. I'd better call and thank
him, Yes, you better, but

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first come over and meet my puppy. So later that week we picked up

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our new German shepherd that we named
Dudley, who, as you remember,

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I'm sure was the worst. He
was a sick dog. He was actually

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very sick throughout his entire life.
Yes, I know, because I watched

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him the week that you were away
on your honeymoon, and all he did

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was have diarrhe in the entire time. He fel horrible for him. He

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had three stomach surgeries, and he
never even with the three stomach surgeries,

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he never had a solid poop in
his entire life. The poor dog,

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the poor dog. He was loud, and he cried and he howled constantly.

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I did not know that German shepherds
howled like all the time. Even

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throughout the night. My X and
I could not sleep because Dudley spent all

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hours of the night howling. It
was really no fun. So my brain

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works in very strange ways. I
think in TV theme songs. I have

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no idea why I do this.
I have always done this. I continue

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to do this. And as Dudley
would howl, my sleep deprived self created

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a song for him which I used
to sing as a coping skill for myself.

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He would howl and I would stare
at him and I would sing the

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Dudley song. I am about to
sing that Dudley song. But this comes

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with a warning that anybody listening should
take very seriously. I am quite possibly

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the world's worst singer, and listening
to this song may kirk you. So

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warning given this song is sung to
the tune of the Brady Bunch theme song.

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Interesting here it goes. Here's a
story of a Dudley doggie who was

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brown and black and cute as he
could be. He had four paws and

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a tail behind him that would automatically
wag with glee. Here's a story of

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a Dudley doggie who would whine and
screaming cry all night long. He was

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very, very loud and annoying.
Many thought that he was just misunderstood till

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the one day when the mommy couldn't
take it, and she yelled for him

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to shut up right away. But
the poor dog, but she was kidding,

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so she packed him up and sent
him on his way. The deadly

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dog, The deadly dog. That
is why I got rid of deadly dog.

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Do do do? So it's a
good song. As he would how

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I would just look at him and
sing and sing and sing. Eventually things

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changed. He was an awful puppy, but then he turned into a dog.

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And while he was a terrible puppy, he was a great dog.

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Yeah. So now I bring us
back from the year two thousand and one

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to present day Lucy the Lunatic and
I have a new mantra. While puppies

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are horrible beings, they do eventually
turn into dogs. Kle. I hate

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puppies, I do love dogs.
So maybe at some point she might just

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outgrow all of this nonsense. This
is my hope, this is how I'm

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now living day by day. My
fingers are crossed for you, and so

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is whatever is left of your sofa. I thank you very very much.

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So for anybody that's listening and is
going through a puppy problem and wants to

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share, we would love to hear
about it or this still, if you

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have gone to your car first thing
in the morning and something very unexpected has

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occurred, please share that story with
us as well. You can reach us

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00:32:07.279 --> 00:32:14.440
at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook, and you can

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00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:21.240
reach out directly to me at Panicked
Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.