Feb. 16, 2026

One Woman Vs. The Entire Legal System Of A Country

One Woman Vs. The Entire Legal System Of A Country
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Season 2

Grace Orah was accused of mistreating her child, an accusation so absurd that the slightest digging into it immediately revealed the allegation as obviously false. Nonetheless, the accusation alone was enough to plunge Grace into years of legal hell, where she had to teach herself the law to become her own advocate, and find her way out.

Allegedly is a production of Voyage Media. The series is produced by Nat Mundel and Dan Benamor.

This episode was executive produced by Grace Orah, based on her novel Without Counsel, available on Amazon: ⁠https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G7QHNNWM⁠

Edited, sound designed, and mixed by James Scully. Original music by Derlis Gonzalez. Starring Laura Bellomo as Grace and Jonathan Regier as the lawyer.

If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you're listening. And subscribe now, for future episodes.

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My name is Grace. I was formally accused of abuse

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and gross neglect of my child by my ex husband

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and had to learn how to fight to restore my name.

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Grace is not her real name. Grace prefers to go

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by a pseudonym because of the name marrish experience she

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endured in the legal system, a system where all it

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took was an accusation for her child to potentially be

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taken away from her and for her to have to

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prove her innocence of any wrongdoing.

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So one Saturday morning, I had a knock at the door,

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which was pretty unusual at that time of day, and

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it was literally like your worst nightmare that you see

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in the movies. A man just asked my name and

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thrust a gigantic envelope at me and told me I'd

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been served. My reaction was to be completely stunned, but

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I knew that I had poked the bear and that

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my ex husband was coming after me.

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There was a time when Greece's marriage, at least on

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the surface, seemed idyllic.

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We hadn't met many many years earlier, some fifteen years earlier,

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through work the usual early days. When I look back now,

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there were a lot of red flags that I chose

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to ignore, and I think, like many people, we tend

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to blame ourselves and say, this must be because of me,

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this must have been something I did. I'm expecting too much.

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But there were definitely red flags that I ignored when

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things were all about my ex, when life was all

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about my ex, when he was on top of the pedestal,

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we got along incredibly well, we were happy, there was harmony,

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but when I needed to be on top of the

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pedestal or I needed to be celebrated. And when I

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started running my own business, there were big changes in

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the relationship and how balanced it was. I was apologetic

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for being busy. There were starting to be some accusations

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of your gone all the time, little accusations of possibly

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me not being loyal anymore, and I kept ignoring those

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and thinking, if I just be more open, if I'd

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be happier, if I greet him at the door differently,

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if I rush home from work, that I can manage

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it and maintain it. I never stopped and thought I

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need a little bit of support. I did, really just

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ignore the way the relationship was changing. And then with

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the birth of our child, I very quickly became the

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mother who needed to do everything, but the child belonged

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to my ex. It was almost like I was a

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visitor into that relationship. If we went to visit somebody,

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if were out with family, if we were at an

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occasion or had friends over, he would have the child

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on his hip, front and center, all loving daddy, looking

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for praise, looking for compliments of what a wonderful father.

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Behind closed doors, I was doing all of the cooking,

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all of the cleaning, everything to do with the child,

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pick ups, drop offs, very very little support, and almost

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shit anger if he needed to miss even half an

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hour of work to be able to help me with

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a drop off. When I was incredibly busy with trying

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to start this new business that i'd started, it felt

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very much like a front to everybody else, and I

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would hear comments constantly, he's such a great dad, he's

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such a nice guy. I was very conflicted on the

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inside because I was starting to feel more and more

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like just the housemaid. There were one or two incidents

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when there was an argument there I would flitch because

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of a raised arm. I didn't get hit straight across

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the face or the head, but I noticed my body language,

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starting to cower, the way I spoke, starting to be

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very apologetic, and those three incidents started to put fear

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into me. And then there was sadly a day the

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way it was posed was I'll never hurt her, but

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I will hurt you. And that was the day I

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thought I'm in jeopardy here. I'm actually going to be

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hurt and if he can't hurt me, the way to

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hurt me most is to hurt the child. So there

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was this light bulb moment where I thought, I have

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to actually make sure I saved myself and my child

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from this situation. It's escalating to a point where nobody

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would believe me because everyone thought he was such a

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great guy and such a lovely dad. I had no ally,

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So I just decided that one day, I literally grabbed

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an eski, a blow up mattress and the child and fled.

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It was months in the planning, and a part of

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that was preparing myself for what I was about to do,

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and the other part was literally the planning of how

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am I going to survive because I know I'll have

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no support, no family, no friends, no money. I made

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sure I had my passport, any documents that I needed,

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and I made sure that I was ready the day

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I decided that I had a clear window that I

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could literally just pick up those few things, leave a

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well crafted note and flee and not be caught fleeing,

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because I wasn't convinced I was going to be safe

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if I was caught fleeing, So it was quite a

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planned event. My own family were not aware, because, as

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I said, there's this bravado on the outside of how

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loving and how wonderful. And I think when you hear

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that a lot, as somebody who's quite battered, you've got

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a conflict inside this. Surely this is still me. Everybody

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thinks he's amazing. He seems so wonderful. I'll constantly hear

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affirmation from my family, from his family, from all our

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friends of how wonderful is So you're constantly conflicted on

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the inside. Is this me? Am I being over dramatic?

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Am I expecting too much? So I didn't tell anybody.

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I had an apartment that belonged to the business and

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it was vacant. It was a one bedroom apartment and

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it was vacant. And that's how I knew that if

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I had at least mattress and an eski. Because the

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child was still bottle feeding. I could survive for a

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small amount of time until I actually worked out what

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I was going to do.

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Grace's left behind communication attempted to de escalate the situation.

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When I fled, I left a note saying I'm not

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leaving you. I'm leaving the situation because it's unhealthy and

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I really want you to go and get some help.

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I'll support you if you choose to go and get

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some help, but for now, I'm going to remove myself

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and the child. You'll still see her, I'll still bring

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her to visit you. You won't lose access or time

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with the child, but in the interest of us, we

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need to be in separate places. From that time on,

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he never questioned where I lived. He never wanted to know.

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He never asked because I would twice a week do

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all of the driving and all of the pickups to

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make sure that the visits happened and that he had

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quality time with the child. I'd never go in, and

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I'd never poke the beer. But she was delivered to him,

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she was picked up all his request, and he never

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paid a cent in any child support and it seemed

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to be that for quite a long time. Whilever I

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did everything that satisfied him, seeing his child and not

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having to pay any money or lose his house, his furniture,

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his cars, his business. We could survive that way.

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While this arrangement seemingly worked for Greece's ex husband, it

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was slowly killing Greece psychologically, but.

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It took a toll on me that was catastrophic. This

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went on for it was probably seven seven and a half.

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During the middle of that, he filed for divorce in Australia,

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and I obviously happily signed that. But in Australia you

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can file for divorce and you don't have to finalize

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the custody arrangements of a child. It went completely under

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the radar. He never mentioned it, never brought up, because

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I was doing everything the way he wanted it done.

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I was a fair way away from my safety, but

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I was doing hundreds of kilometers of driving every week.

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But I had a friend who I'd moved toward small town.

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Stayed very very for a long time until I what

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dad who I could trust and tell my story too.

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And eventually a friend said to me, you cannot continue

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you're going to kill yourself. You're exhausted, you can't keep

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up with the fuel bills, you can't raise this child

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on actually alone. You're going backwards. You've got to stand

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up and say you have to do some of the driving,

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and you have to start helping support this child. I

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remember clearly saying to her, you have no idea the retaliation.

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It was a year's conversation, and eventually, one day I

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plucked up the courage and send a message saying I

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can no longer do all of the driving. I can

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do fifty percent, and I am going to start applying

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for some child support. And that was the day that

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it all unleashed.

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This shift, this attempt to meet in the middle, appeared

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to trigger the retaliation. The document the Grease received that Saturday.

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Morning, as I picked through, there would have been thirty

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forty fifty pages. As I read through it, the essence

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of it was that he was filing for full custody

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to take the child from me on the ground of

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neglect and gross abuse of a child. As I kept

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reading through and again you're still that battered person, I

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kept thinking, what did I do? Did I hit her?

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Did I what have I done, and as I read

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through the documentation, which took hours, I don't know how

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long I was on the floor. The examples that were

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popped into the documents were leaving the child alone before

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school for thirty minutes because I was trying to work

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then to support the child, and a friend would come

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past and collect her, or letting her walk home after

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school and have a key to let herself in. If

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I was ten or fifteen minutes late.

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You might think that this accusation would have to be

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proven to have any real world impact. That's not the case.

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In Australia, and under Australian law, anybody can pin a

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notice of risk on another person and there is no

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evidence required. Because I kept looking through the documents, where's

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the evidence, Where is the proof for a judge to

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look and say, yes, this is abuse or not this

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is not. So there was an absolutely no evidence other

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than this was what they were pinning their whole case on.

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And from there it's probably months until you get in

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front of the judge. The system moves very very slowly,

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and of course I had to move even solwer because

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they did not want me self representing. But months down

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the track when it was finally in front of a judge,

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and that is probably one of the most daunting experiences

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is to walk into a federal court like that and

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have to address a judge. She literally picked up the

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document and she said, what are the reasons that you

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are trying to take this child and take full custody?

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Because she said, I see nothing in these documents. For

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that moment, for me, I thought I was going to faint.

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I thought, finally, here's some sense of justice. The terrifying

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thing after that is I knew that I was not

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going to get done for abuse or neglect of my

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own child. But your name is never cleared. There's never

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any justice again to say you basically lied on federal

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circuit documents that are signed, tabled them in front of

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a high court judge, and they got away with that,

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but it was then dismissed and it's never bought up again.

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And the justice in me was like, so, who's going

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to clear my name? How are they going to be

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reprimanded for this? But that never happens. He had issued

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documents that said we need court orders that decide when

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the child is with each parent, so he tried to

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take her one hundred percent from me. I understand now

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how family law works. They start at the absolute most

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and they know they'll have to work their way backwards.

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So we're now in this situation where the judge has

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dismissed the fact that there's any abuse or neglect, and

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there's now okay, let's find somewhere in the middle that

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we can get these parties to agree. And that's where

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that huge, long, eighteen month battle starts. Then the judge

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asks what their next intention is, and the next intention became,

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we want what they call family reporters involved and do

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a full interview of all the parties involved to get

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a document to give to the judge to then back

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up their case that they should still have custody. So

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they're still fighting all the way along now of custody,

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but I get visitation so to reverse how it is currently.

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So they bring in family reporters who basically go through

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you for hours and hours and hours, and it feels

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like you're being baited to say the wrong thing, and

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it feels like they're trying to trip you up constantly.

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What I learned along the way is there are vast

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amounts of money changing hands. If you want that report

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to give you a specific outcome. You're locked into a

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day in time. You have no choice. You just absolutely

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have to turn up. So I had a two hour

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drive to turn up for this meeting. For three hours,

237
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I was not allowed to tell the child that she

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was going to be interviewed on her own. I was

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warned heavily not to put words in the child's mouth.

240
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So there's this constant battle inside. I would never send

241
00:12:45.240 --> 00:12:46.759
my child to speak to a stranger be in a

242
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room with a locked door. This is not a scenario

243
00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:51.240
I would do as a parent. But also my child

244
00:12:51.320 --> 00:12:54.200
would be so confused if I just pushed her through

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the door. So I tried to prepare her in a

246
00:12:57.440 --> 00:12:59.440
way that I told her she had to just have

247
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a chat to a man to find out the best

248
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way for her to live a happy life. Not to

249
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be concerned or worried. I'd be outside waiting for us.

250
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:10.519
So I did prepare her. But my interview with the reporter,

251
00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:13.480
when I left the room, I felt quite comfortable. He

252
00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:18.200
was quite empathetic. He recognized that I had been framed

253
00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:21.960
for something I didn't do. He said he didn't see

254
00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:24.919
me as a kind of a helicopter parent. He basically

255
00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:28.519
gave me a fairly great review. He told me afterwards

256
00:13:28.519 --> 00:13:31.080
he'd interviewed the child that he saw no concerns. He

257
00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:34.480
felt strongly that the child had a very mature voice

258
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:36.759
for somebody so young, and he would take that into consideration.

259
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:41.120
And then I get this seventeen page report into my

260
00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:43.960
email box because I was self representing, so I didn't

261
00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:46.039
have to go through a lawyer. Read it from front

262
00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:48.879
to back. I get to about page fifteen or sixteen,

263
00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:51.440
and I'm feeling incredibly confident and that, you know, I've

264
00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:53.960
trusted this man with my truth.

265
00:13:54.759 --> 00:13:57.639
But now for the first time, Greece's idealistic hope in

266
00:13:57.679 --> 00:13:59.320
the system would be proven wrong.

267
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.600
Almost the very last paragraph which then completely flipped and

268
00:14:04.120 --> 00:14:08.639
he said, however, I believe that in the best interest

269
00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:10.440
of the child, she must spend more time with the

270
00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:13.200
father and be at the father's house more. And it

271
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.559
was a paragraph that did not fit with the report.

272
00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:18.919
It was mind blowing. He was paid a sizeable amount

273
00:14:18.919 --> 00:14:21.399
of money by husband. It was held over me in

274
00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:25.759
the court that if this reporter found anything against me,

275
00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:28.879
that I would then have to pay the invoice. They

276
00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:30.360
were going to pick it up in the beginning, but

277
00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:32.559
they were hoping that he would catch something in me

278
00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:34.480
that would mean then I had to pay for this report.

279
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:38.879
So along the way, while all of this is happening,

280
00:14:38.919 --> 00:14:42.799
Sain this is over months, there are interimortars. Those inter

281
00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:46.000
remortars were set down by the judge to say, until

282
00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:49.120
we actually have a final ruling, the child still visits

283
00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:52.200
the father, and she actually was starting to see through

284
00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:55.919
the cracks. The child must be allowed to go to

285
00:14:55.919 --> 00:14:59.240
sport on a Saturday. My ex was forced to have

286
00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.200
to pick her up from the car park so she

287
00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:04.600
could attend her sport. So those interim visits were happening

288
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:08.120
hit and miss. There were times where he didn't turn up.

289
00:15:08.600 --> 00:15:10.720
But if I had an issuer, if the child refused

290
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:13.679
to get into his car, I had almost a restraining

291
00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:16.919
order hit against me. I was not abiding by the

292
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:19.840
conditions set down by the judge and I was slapped

293
00:15:20.039 --> 00:15:23.919
very hard when the report came in. You're all brought

294
00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:25.440
back in front of the judge again. Because you see

295
00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:27.480
the judge every few months, it's very difficult to get

296
00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:30.279
back to the judge in between any of these events.

297
00:15:30.759 --> 00:15:32.320
And I remember the look on her face. She held

298
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:35.159
up the rapport and she looked at the barrister and

299
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:39.519
the lawyer for my exercide and said, there is absolutely

300
00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:41.639
nothing in here that I have to adopt. And she

301
00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:43.519
looked at me and she said, I do not have

302
00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:45.639
to do what this reporter has told me to do.

303
00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:47.759
And she just stared at me, and it was almost

304
00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:50.879
like an affirmation I see through this. I know what's happened,

305
00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:54.080
because it was the most insane tune in this document.

306
00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:58.159
I was following the interim orders by my judge to

307
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:02.559
the absolute letter. There were times when it was incredibly

308
00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:06.480
stressful because my ex would meet me for the child

309
00:16:06.519 --> 00:16:10.679
for the weekend, drop her with a friend, and either

310
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:14.360
be away for the weekend visiting a friend, playing golf,

311
00:16:14.919 --> 00:16:19.799
leaving her with babysitters, and she would come home visibly distressed.

312
00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:23.879
And that was always a concern for me, because while

313
00:16:23.879 --> 00:16:25.360
I didn't want to look like I was trying to

314
00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:28.720
coerce the child, she needed a voice in all of this,

315
00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:31.080
and because she was young, the courts would not consider

316
00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:33.639
her to have a voice that held that much weight.

317
00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:36.639
But if I bought up, I'm dropping the child off.

318
00:16:36.679 --> 00:16:38.919
I'm doing everything that's required of me, but she's not

319
00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:41.600
spending time with my ex she's spending time with a babysitter.

320
00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:44.600
I was then considered a trouble maker, and I was

321
00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:46.799
told many times by his lawyers, you don't get to

322
00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:49.279
decide what he does on his weekends. They're his weekends,

323
00:16:49.879 --> 00:16:53.240
not yours. So my argument was always these are supposed

324
00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:55.799
to be the child's weekends. This is meant to be

325
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:57.840
time with the child. If he doesn't want the time

326
00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:00.440
with the child, why is he fighting so hard to

327
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:01.320
take the child off me.

328
00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:05.000
It quickly became apparent that Grace's real foe in all

329
00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:07.400
of this, the single person she would do battle with

330
00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:09.759
the most was her ex husband's lawyer.

331
00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:13.920
Dear Registrar Assistant, I am the solicitor representing the father

332
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.720
in this case. I'm writing to confirm this hearing does

333
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:19.960
not need to take place. It can be postponed, and,

334
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.599
if the mother continues to comply, may not be necessary

335
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.519
at all. The father is spending good quality time with

336
00:17:25.559 --> 00:17:26.079
the child.

337
00:17:26.599 --> 00:17:31.680
Registrar, I am questioning mister solicitor's definition of good quality time.

338
00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:35.079
The most recent weekend that the child went to her

339
00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:39.359
father's she was given to a babysitter, not for a

340
00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:44.319
few hours but for the whole weekend the child slept

341
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:48.880
at someone else's house. My request is that the hearing

342
00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:50.680
goes ahead as planned.

343
00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:54.119
Warning warning, do not ignore. You will be in breach

344
00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:56.599
of a judge's order if you don't confirm your attendance

345
00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:01.039
at the agreed appointment with a forensic psychologist. Confirm your attendance.

346
00:18:01.400 --> 00:18:03.319
I caution you not to be slow in response to

347
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:06.160
this email, or you will be subject to legal response.

348
00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:11.160
Mister barrister, I have already confirmed my attendance. You are

349
00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:14.279
eight hours lated, much like you were to Court Room

350
00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:17.519
three B on Monday. I look forward to seeing you

351
00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:21.119
again in front of Her Honor when the report is completed.

352
00:18:21.640 --> 00:18:23.160
I hope you can join us this time.

353
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:26.599
I needed this to go smoothly. The court case was

354
00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:30.480
dragging out now past twelve months. She was getting older

355
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:35.400
and stronger and growing quite tall, quite mature. She was

356
00:18:35.480 --> 00:18:39.079
thriving at school, but every second weekend and she would

357
00:18:39.079 --> 00:18:41.359
completely break down and say, please don't make me go.

358
00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:43.960
I don't want to go. I don't like it when

359
00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:45.519
he yells. I don't like it when he tells me

360
00:18:45.559 --> 00:18:48.400
I've let him down, that I'm taking your side. So

361
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:50.599
not only did I want to protect her from that,

362
00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:52.680
but I also there was a part of me that

363
00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:55.359
wanted her to just go happily so that we could

364
00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:58.240
get through the case, because every time she was miserable

365
00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:00.119
and I had to push her out the door anyway.

366
00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:02.640
I was so conflicted in trying to protect her but

367
00:19:02.680 --> 00:19:06.440
also wishing she could just happily go so that I

368
00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:08.359
could start to see light at the end of the tunnel.

369
00:19:10.200 --> 00:19:13.000
As at wore on, I was starting to be getting

370
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:15.960
almost to a state of depression. I wasn't eating, I

371
00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:19.039
wasn't sleeping. It felt like there would never be an

372
00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:22.759
end to the argument. It hangs over your head like

373
00:19:22.759 --> 00:19:25.039
a weight when you've got a court case. It's every thought.

374
00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:28.480
But I became more and more familiar with the law

375
00:19:28.519 --> 00:19:30.680
and what I was teaching myself and how I was

376
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:34.440
watching it all unfold, and I started to realize that

377
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:37.279
every time I received communication, and there are so many

378
00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:40.960
documents I have filing cabinets full of documents, I would

379
00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.400
receive it, read it, and then act on it. Because

380
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:48.079
I was representing myself. When I would send an email

381
00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:50.480
to the other side, which always by law, must go

382
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:55.200
through their representation, the lawyer would have to read it, essentially,

383
00:19:55.240 --> 00:19:58.079
download it, go through it, draft a reply, make sure

384
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:01.119
the father had it. And I start to realize that

385
00:20:02.440 --> 00:20:05.640
this was starting to run up a significant bill. I

386
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.559
had paid four hundred and fifty dollars and that was it.

387
00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:09.920
It cost me no further than my four hundred fifty dollars.

388
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:13.279
I started to, I guess, use the system to play

389
00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:17.160
against itself. I was starting to send multiple emails on

390
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:21.200
a day. I'd forget to attach a document, sometimes on purpose,

391
00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:23.240
so that there would have to be a response. I

392
00:20:23.480 --> 00:20:27.440
just started seeing this pattern of, well, this is actually

393
00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:29.839
how you can financially drive somebody to get a decision

394
00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:32.400
you want, because that is that's how you are used

395
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:35.759
in court in family law, the lawyer's bill, by the

396
00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:38.880
kind of the fifteen minute increment. So I cottoned on,

397
00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:40.799
and it may maybe took me a little bit longer

398
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:42.400
than it should have, but that was actually going to

399
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:45.079
be a weapon in my arsenal that I could start

400
00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:47.359
to financially bleed the other side dry and frustrate the

401
00:20:47.359 --> 00:20:51.359
other side in some ways. I started to get a

402
00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:53.359
little bit stronger because it seemed to buy me a

403
00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:56.240
little bit of power. And there were times when I

404
00:20:56.279 --> 00:20:58.839
send an email, and I'd sit in my chair and

405
00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:02.440
think I'm absolute going to regret that. But it was

406
00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:05.799
a way of striking back and saying, look, I'm here

407
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:07.200
to fight. I'm not going away.

408
00:21:08.920 --> 00:21:12.960
Urgent, I have inadvertently instructed my client to an alternative location.

409
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:15.599
My client was not given a copy of the judge's order.

410
00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:19.599
This is my error, a simple mistake. Please respond to

411
00:21:19.640 --> 00:21:22.000
my prior three emails and two text messages that you

412
00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:25.200
have not responded to as soon as possible. Urgent, you

413
00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.279
will be held in contravention and put in front of

414
00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:29.880
the judge if you do not immediately hand over the child.

415
00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:32.240
I have advised my client to travel to your home

416
00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:33.240
to collect the child.

417
00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:38.680
Mister barrister, I have but one simple request, which is

418
00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:42.599
for your client to bring his child and apologize for

419
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:46.359
what has happened. As a mother, I need some shred

420
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:49.839
of proof of remorse of how much pain has been

421
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:55.039
inflicted on this child. Awaiting your urgent reply.

422
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.599
Because they couldn't financially destroy me, all they could do

423
00:21:59.799 --> 00:22:04.000
was keep China attack me, But I learned to attack back.

424
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:07.920
Your client has made no attempt to contact the child,

425
00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:11.839
not even to ask how she is. He is the

426
00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:15.680
one who has breached judge's orders. He is the one

427
00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:20.200
who came to my property screaming important, do not ignore.

428
00:22:20.680 --> 00:22:23.440
I am responsible for my client breaching the intervention order

429
00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:26.119
by advising him to physically attend your residence to pick

430
00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:30.359
up the child. Miss Aura, do not ignore my next call.

431
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:32.480
I will bring the full weight of the law on

432
00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:34.960
you if you continue with the games. Your comments with

433
00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:38.240
the governing body about my client are defamatory urgent. The

434
00:22:38.359 --> 00:22:40.440
changeovers must continue at the present location.

435
00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:44.559
Your client fails to show up at the present location.

436
00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.599
The child must be delivered and you must ensure the

437
00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:48.119
child enters her father's vehicle.

438
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:52.759
So there was a significant appearance in court where the

439
00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.279
judge had said, Okay, we're not going to agree. Neither

440
00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:59.400
party is giving up on this. We can't meet in

441
00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:02.599
the middle, so I will have to post a date

442
00:23:02.680 --> 00:23:05.160
for a full court trial. So up until this point

443
00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:08.440
it's all interim meetings the entire way, but it's heading

444
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:11.599
towards a full trial. She laid out the expectation that

445
00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:14.480
it would be in potentially eighteen months because the courts

446
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.200
are so backlogged, and that by then the child would

447
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:20.200
be of an age where she would be allowed to

448
00:23:20.200 --> 00:23:23.839
have some kind of a voice, and you felt the

449
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:27.880
room from both sides. The weight of another eighteen months

450
00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:31.920
was really oppressive. The room became quite heavy. She made

451
00:23:31.960 --> 00:23:34.720
it quite obvious that this was not what she wanted,

452
00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:36.720
but she could see no way around it, so she

453
00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:39.799
was going to set a trial. When we left that meeting,

454
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.440
I was very concerned about my health. I wasn't sure

455
00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:46.559
that I was going to last. I sent an email

456
00:23:46.599 --> 00:23:50.279
to the other side, and I cannot remember the contents

457
00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:52.440
of it, but it must have been a thought provoking

458
00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:55.759
email because I got back in response two days later.

459
00:23:56.759 --> 00:24:00.440
Either give up custody and sign this document. And they

460
00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:02.400
sent me an aggressive document that said I only got

461
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:05.839
visitation once a week, or we will be meeting you

462
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:10.000
at trial. We will see this through. And I sat

463
00:24:10.039 --> 00:24:13.519
with that for forty eight hours, and what kept coming

464
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:16.000
back to me is I am the child's voice right now.

465
00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:18.160
If I give up, I tell her that I am

466
00:24:18.200 --> 00:24:21.160
not prepared to fight for her. If I give up now,

467
00:24:21.799 --> 00:24:25.160
I completely let down myself, my child, and my family

468
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:28.440
who are now around me and also suffering. I decided

469
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:30.640
that day I have to take this fight on. I

470
00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.640
have to keep going no matter what, I have to

471
00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:34.880
find a way. And it was that night I went

472
00:24:34.920 --> 00:24:36.839
to bed and something made me get up, and there

473
00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:39.519
was an email in my inbox that was from the

474
00:24:39.559 --> 00:24:40.920
other side saying.

475
00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:42.759
In the interest of resolving your matter on a final

476
00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:46.119
basis and reducing the cost of further litigation, my acclaim

477
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:49.920
proposes final parenting orders in terms of the attached document,

478
00:24:50.240 --> 00:24:52.480
Please indicate whether you agree to such an arrangement.

479
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:59.759
We've decided to discontinue. We're sending over orders effective immediately.

480
00:24:59.799 --> 00:25:02.480
If you sign them to say that the father has

481
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:06.079
no custody, you have soul custody, and if the child

482
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:09.200
ever wants to visit, then you need to just communicate

483
00:25:09.240 --> 00:25:11.160
with him and let her visit. But otherwise the father

484
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:12.319
is completely walking away.

485
00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:16.960
The child shall spend time with the father as per

486
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:18.319
the child's wishes.

487
00:25:21.400 --> 00:25:24.000
I don't know if that was luck, It wasn't front

488
00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:26.440
of mind, but it must have been their very last

489
00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:29.960
kind of attempt to put their authority over me, their

490
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.759
powerfulness over me. And a zero response I think looks

491
00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:37.920
like a sign that she's not even entertaining our email

492
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:42.000
or our threats. And something I noticed because I work

493
00:25:42.039 --> 00:25:45.799
in the corporate world. You would never use capital letters

494
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:48.279
to type an email or a letter to anyone because

495
00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:51.799
it's seen as very aggressive and very almost angry and yelling.

496
00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:57.759
But the amount of times I received aggressive communication, one

497
00:25:57.799 --> 00:26:01.599
sentence was all in capitals with exclamation. It was this

498
00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:05.960
constantly trying to exert their powerfulness over me and get

499
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:08.960
me to trigger. And I think, if you can read it,

500
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:13.519
park it, walk away, sleep on it. My dad always

501
00:26:13.519 --> 00:26:15.559
said to me, never respond to nating your stop and

502
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:18.319
think and respond when you're in a calm place, and

503
00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:22.599
that probably saved me many times on my journey. Formerly.

504
00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:27.240
It's an absolute anti climax. They had seen a document

505
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:32.319
saying these are the final orders. Basically, she's yours. She

506
00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:34.799
or your custody. If she wants to see the father, great,

507
00:26:34.839 --> 00:26:38.759
but otherwise we're walking away. I sign it, I haven't ratified.

508
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:42.759
It's lodged in the court. The judge then must read

509
00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:44.680
it and have a look at those final orders because

510
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:47.400
she has the final say. But I think that process

511
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:49.640
was done in approximately three to four days. It was

512
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.440
a very very quick stamp, and you get a court

513
00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:55.119
order effectively saying you have full custody of your child.

514
00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:58.880
You would think that kind of and people called it

515
00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:03.599
a victory. You personally elated. I was quite devastated. It

516
00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:08.000
took me a long time to accept that I had

517
00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:10.920
been accused of abuse and neglect enough that somebody had

518
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:13.000
to consider whether my child should be taken off me,

519
00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:17.640
and the end of the journey is, well, actually none

520
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:20.279
of that was true. We haven't got any more money

521
00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:21.759
to fight, and we don't want to keep fighting you,

522
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:23.480
so we'll just give up completely and we don't want

523
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:28.400
to see the child at all. That was devastating for

524
00:27:28.559 --> 00:27:31.000
my child, but for me because I wanted her to

525
00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:34.200
have her father. My case had never been she didn't

526
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:37.000
have a father or she couldn't see him. My argument

527
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:38.720
was give her a voice, and let it be a

528
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:40.640
fair voice. Where she's in the middle, she's not being

529
00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:43.720
used as a pawn. But for the father to just say,

530
00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:45.960
I don't care if I ever see her again took

531
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:48.200
a long time for me to accept the child was

532
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:51.319
comfortable because all the arguing and the stress had disappeared.

533
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:56.799
It was then four years before they were ever reunited.

534
00:27:57.480 --> 00:28:00.559
Not a birthday present, not a Christmas present, call to

535
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:01.599
check on the welfare.

536
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:05.759
Grace eventually got what she hoped for her child had

537
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:07.720
a voice and used it.

538
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:10.519
It had been explained we must keep an app between

539
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:13.400
us with communication about the child and that must be updated.

540
00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:16.200
So for four years I kept this app between the

541
00:28:16.200 --> 00:28:21.480
two of us with photographs, awards she'd won, sports, appearances,

542
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.000
captain of the school. I kept documentation and photos and

543
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:27.279
updates going for four years. Not once did he ever

544
00:28:27.319 --> 00:28:29.319
log in and have a look at that. And that

545
00:28:29.400 --> 00:28:31.599
was painful for me because I saw this little person

546
00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:36.759
growing up who was incredible, and a father who wanted

547
00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:38.279
nothing to do with her unless it was all on

548
00:28:38.319 --> 00:28:41.960
his terms. She was an early to mid teens by then.

549
00:28:42.039 --> 00:28:46.000
I guess she came to me one day and she said,

550
00:28:46.039 --> 00:28:49.680
I think I'm going to reach out to dad. I said, okay,

551
00:28:50.119 --> 00:28:51.759
and she said, is that going to upset you? And

552
00:28:51.799 --> 00:28:53.960
I said, that's absolutely not going to be upset me.

553
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:55.960
The whole point of everything we went through was to

554
00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:57.720
give you a voice. So if your voice is now

555
00:28:57.920 --> 00:28:59.319
I want to reach out and I want to meet

556
00:28:59.319 --> 00:29:01.720
you and have a coffee with you, then I will

557
00:29:01.720 --> 00:29:05.160
support you. She thought about that for a long time,

558
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:08.599
sent a message he agreed. They met at a middle point.

559
00:29:09.079 --> 00:29:11.200
They're now in touch it's all on her terms and

560
00:29:11.240 --> 00:29:13.680
she kind of handles that almost like an adult relationship now.

561
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:16.519
But she said she wanted to know who he was

562
00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:20.000
and she wanted him to know about her. But she said, Mum,

563
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:22.759
it's never been brought up. He's never acknowledged it. He's

564
00:29:22.799 --> 00:29:25.279
never acknowledged the pain he put me through, and he's

565
00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:29.000
never even thanked me for reaching out and building the bridge.

566
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.680
So whilst they're in touch, there's still pain there for

567
00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:35.799
her in that she knows how unjust it was.

568
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:40.720
As for Grace, she took what she had learned and

569
00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:41.799
began to help others.

570
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:49.960
After I wrote the book, many people reached out to me.

571
00:29:50.359 --> 00:29:53.920
And whilst I've helped many women, I've also helped men.

572
00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:56.880
And I've maintained that from the very beginning that a

573
00:29:56.920 --> 00:30:00.839
dispute like this is never about women against me, not

574
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:03.440
in my eyes, and it was never you know, women

575
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:06.440
are the victims and men are the perpetrators. It's literally

576
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.480
creates an environment whereas the weakest versus the strongest, the

577
00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:12.759
powerful versus the powerless. And I met some incredible men

578
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:15.640
that I helped and were really hard done by. But

579
00:30:16.119 --> 00:30:19.960
the strong feelings inside me was that this has to

580
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:23.920
be decommissioned. This family court is not an environment that

581
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:25.839
you can teach somebody to go in and fight in.

582
00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:29.319
It's almost impossible. It was nearly the end of me,

583
00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:33.119
and I believe I am reasonably high functioning, But anybody

584
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:38.480
who didn't have my tenacity, it would simply destroy somebody

585
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:40.559
with it English is a second language, or you know,

586
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:42.880
any kind of a difficulty, it would be impossible to

587
00:30:42.880 --> 00:30:45.519
self represent. So while people said teach me how to

588
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:48.599
self represent, many said to me, could you actually just

589
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:51.079
do it for me? And of course I couldn't because

590
00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:54.279
I was exhausted, but I also not a qualified lawyer.

591
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:57.640
But they were like, we can't do it. It's too hard,

592
00:30:57.680 --> 00:31:01.640
it's too scary. All I could do was support them emotionally.

593
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:04.799
But many times they said, we don't think we can

594
00:31:04.799 --> 00:31:06.039
do it, and I'd say, well, then it's not the

595
00:31:06.119 --> 00:31:08.119
right course for you. Don't self represent if you're not

596
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:09.759
in this for the long haul and to fight like

597
00:31:09.799 --> 00:31:13.960
crazy for your child. So the book was to help

598
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:16.480
people self represent and save money, but by the end

599
00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:18.480
of it, I was like, I don't want people to

600
00:31:18.920 --> 00:31:20.559
even have to fight out a children in court. It

601
00:31:20.599 --> 00:31:24.400
should not be a place where you dispute children. The

602
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:27.000
laws have not changed. We're still following a legislation from

603
00:31:27.079 --> 00:31:33.039
nineteen seventy five. The book it's called Without Counsel, and

604
00:31:33.079 --> 00:31:37.039
it was meant for my journey as a journal to

605
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:39.519
get me through and to keep me composed and keep

606
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:42.440
me on track, and eventually became a self help guide

607
00:31:42.440 --> 00:31:45.839
because while I was looking for anything at all to

608
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:48.519
help me get through this process, there was absolutely nothing.

609
00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:50.680
So what went from more of a journal and a

610
00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:54.960
diary to I'll actually create the steps of how I'm

611
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:57.400
going and how I'm succeeding and where I've made mistakes

612
00:31:57.559 --> 00:32:00.559
to the endpoint where there's actually a lift out. These

613
00:32:00.559 --> 00:32:02.119
are all the steps that you follow on. These are

614
00:32:02.160 --> 00:32:05.279
where the documents are, and these are the links. It

615
00:32:05.400 --> 00:32:08.039
was something that I did to help me start to heal.

616
00:32:08.519 --> 00:32:11.440
Then it was something that became how do I help others?

617
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:13.279
And by the very end of it, it was a

618
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:17.359
document or a book that I hope has an impact,

619
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:21.319
and we completely changed the way custody of children is decided.

620
00:32:27.319 --> 00:32:31.799
Allegedly is a production of Voyage Media. The series is

621
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:35.880
produced by Natmandel and Dan Benemore. This episode was executive

622
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:39.319
produced by Grace Aura, based on her novel Without Counsel,

623
00:32:39.559 --> 00:32:42.799
available on Amazon. A link is in the show notes,

624
00:32:43.640 --> 00:32:47.920
starring Laura Balomo as Grace and Jonathan Ringere as Lawyer.

625
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:55.079
Edited sound designed and mixed by James Scully, original music

626
00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:59.279
by Derlus Gonzalez. If you're enjoying the show, please leave

627
00:32:59.319 --> 00:33:02.599
us a five star and Apple Podcasts, Spotify or anywhere

628
00:33:02.599 --> 00:33:05.480
you're listening, and subscribe now for future episodes